Thou shall not allow others to spoil your enjoyment of spoiling your children…

“A lot of good arguments are spoiled by some fool who knows what he is talking about.”

-Migued de Unanumo

         I recently read an article on the internet about how parents are destroying our youth through the spoiling of them. Really? Hang on a sec, though…doesn’t it matter what the context of the spoiling is? After all, doesn’t everyone want to be spoiled? I like when my husband spoils me. I try to spoil him in return. Doesn’t seem like a bad deal to me. But why is it so bad when I spoil my kids?

         To be honest, I try to spoil my children every day. Not just take care of them…not just fill their needs…not just tend to their problems….no, not just that. I try to s-p-o-i-l them.

         And for better or worse, I usually succeed.

         Lately, the news seems to be filled with stories of problems with kids. They spend too much time on their cell phones. They don’t appreciate the value of a dollar. They don’t help around the house the way we used to (waaaaay back when…you remember…in the “good ole’ days”). Do my kids have these problems? Of course, at times. But I’m a big believer in the 90% rule. If things are going your way 90% of the time, you are doing really well. A 90% is an “A” in school after all, and who doesn’t like an “A?”

         So, in terms of their role in our family, my kids seem to maintain an “A” average, and this, I’m sure you will agree, makes for a happy mom. In return, I spoil them whenever I can. Sometimes it’s monetary…I can admit that. My kids don’t get an allowance but when they want to go to a movie or want to buy a new dress for a dance, I am happy to oblige. Sometimes I spoil them with my time. No matter how busy my day is, if Alex (my 5^th grader) invites me to lunch at her school, I go. Period. If I have to rearrange an important call, or if I have to give up a hair appointment that it took me 2 weeks of begging to secure, that’s ok…I go. Having a 9^th grader who would likely pass out if she saw me appear in her high school cafeteria, lunch in hand, I am all too well aware that Alex will not want me to have lunch with her forever, so I’m going. Period. End of discussion.

         Now, as I have mentioned, my spoiling of my children is not done completely selflessly. Remember, my kids have to maintain their “A.” Seems like a good deal though, right?

         Well, I was thinking about this topic just recently when the Gary household was experiencing what we all feel is the worst day of the year. April 15^th (tax day)??? No. Last day of summer before another school year begins??? No chance. No, it’s a day far worse which sends shivers down the spine of every member of my household. It was “mulch day.” For those of you who are unfamiliar, let me explain. One day a year, we order a pile of mulch to be delivered on our driveway which usually is so high, even the most experienced dirt bike rider would balk…It’s huge, it’s heavy and it just isn’t going anywhere unless we get “all hands on deck.”

         This year I had my pep talk all planned. We were going to tackle that pile and get this job done so fast that we could make it to a movie later that afternoon (bribery)…and, if the kids just quit the pouting about the all the work that had to be done and all the blisters that would take time to heal, I would take them shopping and let them each pick out a little something (more bribery). I had my pep talk set…I was ready…I felt like Coach Brooks ready to address Team USA Hockey in 1980 as we were set to battle the Russians for the Gold…oh yes, friends, this had to be good.

         That morning, as I made coffee I saw my first little sleepy-head appear in the kitchen. My early riser…always Alex. I thought about planting the seed about our project…I considered just giving her a one minute abbreviated version of my “inspiration” just to get the juices flowing. But I held back. Better I wait for all to descend the staircase…all fill the tummies (us Gary women react better to bad news on a full stomach).

         I went in my bathroom and proceeded to get dressed, now fully ready to tackle what I knew would be an unwilling crowd…

         And just then, I looked out my window to see my sweet little fifth grader filling her cart with pitch-forks full of dark heavy mulch. I saw her straining but determined to lift each load. I saw her sisters out tag-team planting the new roses I had just bought the day before (one digs the whole, the other plants and back-fills).

         I literally stopped in my tracks. 

         “What a minute,” I thought. No pep talk needed? No begging? No bribery? Sure enough, much to my surprise, they didn’t need it.

         And to be honest, they don’t need my help with their homework…I don’t even have to be ask if it’s done. I just know it is. They each have rooms in our house that is their job to keep clean and I rarely, if ever, have to remind anyone to “monitor their room.” They just do it. They do their own laundry (even most of the baby’s). Sure, there are days I help, like the days when I can’t make it to Gabby’s room because the pile of dirty laundry has now grown so big, she might as well consider sleeping with her sister rather than trying to maneuver over it. But that’s rare…like I said…the 90% rule.

         So, yes, I spoil my children. Any chance I get. I spoil them no matter how many times I read stories of how, by doing so, I am creating little spoiled brats. I do so, no matter how many times I see news reports of how spoiling can lead to the creation of little monsters. I do so for one reason and one reason only…I do so because they spoil me every day as well.

-Happy Weekend, Claudia