Thou shall teach your children to use social media responsibly...

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

-Denis Waitley

I was recently at a soccer practice for my ten and twelve year old daughters. Normally at such events you will find me laptop in hand, head buried in a stack of paperwork. That day, however, I had been particularly productive and decided at 6:00pm to call it a night and just watch my children practice their corner kicks.

In front of me in the bleachers, a few mothers were having a very deep conversation about what has become the topic “du jour” for so many of us moms...yes, you guessed it...”Facebook.”

“Tania is furious that she is the ONLY 6th grader without a Facebook account, but I don’t care, she is not getting one,” said one mom.

“Oh, I agree. Melissa won’t be allowed to have one until she is 18 and on her own. Then she will be responsible enough to use Facebook intelligently. Don’t get me started on these mothers who allow it...CRAZY,” she muttered just a little too smugly for my taste.

I didn’t have the heart to tell the smug mother that “Melissa” did already have a Facebook account (although she maintained it with an alias as more and more kids do in order to shield their identify from their parents). I knew this, of course, because my kids do have Facebook accounts and I monitor them (and therefore their friends’ accounts) pretty closely. 

So, yes, I’m one of those “CRAZY” mothers who allows Facebook. Gasp! I know. Actually, it seems like there are more and more of us re-evaluating our children’s use of social media and given that there are 800 million Facebook users (a huge percentage of which are 18 and under) I appear to not be alone.

For those of you who have already started judging me, please stay calm. I can assure you my rational for permitting the use of social media in my home is sound. This was not a knee jerk reaction. It was a researched and reasoned choice I made which to some makes me “nuts” but to me, I believe, makes me pretty smart (if I don’t say so myself!)

First, I should tell you that I was raised in a european-style/latin home. My mother is 100% Portuguese and my father, while British/Italian, was born and spent a large amount of time growing up in Brazil. As a result, some of the things that Americans consider taboo, my parents thought nothing of. For instance, in Portugal, the legal drinking age is 16. Shocking, right? I don’t think so at all. In fact, there are dozen’s of countries with no drinking age at all. But yet, these countries have MUCH lower rates of alcoholism and drunk driving related accidents. Don’t believe me? Do the research. I have. 

So, even though they have the statistics to back up their decisions, these countries are still vilified by many for having such “lax” laws. How do they justify having such a low (or no) drinking age? Are you ready??? This one is really going to blow you away...

They leave it up to the parents to teach their children responsible behavior. 

Can you believe??? Now that’s CRAZY! (sarcasm)

I allow my children a Facebook account (yes, even my 10 year old) for the very same reason. Social media is everywhere. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace...it exists and it isn’t going away any time soon. Given this, I would like to teach my children to use it responsibly, while they are still under my continued guidance and supervision.

When I went to college, I know you will never believe me but the vast majority of my friends started drinking. Another shocker, right? Illegal, yes. Impossible, hardly. They marched out of the dorms by the dozens all with their fake IDs in pocket, ready to imbibe more than their fair share of beer and cocktails. For me, I couldn’t fathom why this was so alluring. If I had wanted a drink, I could have had one in my family home, with my parents. It wasn’t prohibited so it lacked any appeal for me. 

As another example, I cannot remember having a curfew enforced. As a result, most Friday nights found me in the living room with my friends at 10:30, watching a movie or shooting pool. My friends with midnight curfews would wait until 11:55 to start their journeys home (many of which would then check in and head straight out the window...don’t get any ideas, Gabby).

Given that my parents managed not to kill me, and instead actually produced a pretty normal, reasonably intelligent human being, I have modeled my parenting style on their own. There really are no rules in our home that I can think of other than one. Act Responsibly. Period.

That’s it. Simple, right? Sure, but it covers the gamut. Going to your friends for a sleepover? Sure, no problem. Act responsibly. Want to go to the movies with your friends? Sure. Act responsibly though. Want a Facebook account? Not a problem. Act responsibly with it. 

This rule for Facebook works in my home for one reason and one reason only...my husband and I have taught our children exactly what responsible behavior is and what it is not. It is responsible to use Facebook to communicate with your friends and family. It is not responsible to post about where your first tattoo will be located. It is responsible to post cute pics of you and your teammates after a big basketball win. It is not responsible to post provocative pictures of yourself in front of your bathroom mirror (and sadly this is RAMPANT on Facebook). My kids know the difference in these types of behavior because I have allowed them to have Facebook and we have learned together, UNDER MY GUIDANCE, what is and is not acceptable behavior.

Will my kids screw up from time to time? Of course...they are kids. But I would prefer their screw ups to occur while they are still living under my roof and my direct guidance. 

Remember, friends, that giving your child a Facebook account will not make them any more promiscuous, for example, than giving them an encyclopedia will make them smart. Facebook is a tool. It’s what they do with it that can make it evil. If you have equipped your child with the knowledge of right and wrong, what can you possibly have to fear?

-Claudia

"Thou Shall Care How You Look When You 'Bump' Into an Ex"

"There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it." ~~ Mark Twain

"Thou Shall Care How You Look When You 'Bump' Into an Ex"


There.  I said it.  And you all know it's true.  It's just that some of you will openly admit it and some will not. Ha!


I will NEVER forget the time (about 8 years ago) when I ran into an ex-fiance. 
*Okay, before I tell you this story, you must understand that I was happily married with three children, as was he!  So it had NOTHING to do with me having feelings for him...or him having feelings for me.  It was all about vanity. Ha!!


Anyway, it had been about 12 years since I had seen him last and I always wondered what it would be like when we finally ran into each other for the first time since our engagement ended all those years ago.  I knew it was bound to happen eventually, because we both ended up back in the same community with families of our own.


It's funny because whenever I would imagine how it might be when we finally bumped into each other, I always envisioned me looking freakin' hot! And him not so much. Ha!!

(Here's how the dreams went)
I was always outside in these daydreams for some reason.  I would be staring off at something very intensely while the wind would be softly blowing my hair. (hee!) My make-up would be a work of art that day.  And all at once I would feel his stare. (just like in the movies, right? ha!). 
I would then be happily surprised to turn and all of the sudden catch his glance.  I would smile and my teeth would be pristine white with that little *twinkle* we see in the movies. ;-)  I would smile and wave, and in slow motion (always in slow motion) I would walk up to him and give him a big hug and say, "Gosh you look great, *Johnny! I heard life has treated you so well..... and that makes me so happy."  
I would leave the scene feeling so good, so happy, so confident.  What a fun dream, huh??


(Well, THAT was how it was SUPPOSED to happen, you see!)


But, NOOOO.....Nu-uh.... not with me... not in my life. God just looooooves keeping me humble. Plus, HE's got a great sense of humor if ya haven't heard.  Haha!

NO! This particular day (about 12 years ago)....thiiiiisss one freakin' day I decided I wasn't going to wash my hair because I was going to go for a jog while my little girl, Summer, was in her gymnastics class.  I jogged for about 40 minutes outside so my face could get good and reddish/purple.  My hair was up in a pony tail all slicked back with sweat. (yuck!)  And, Oh! Did I mention that at the time, I had recently gotten adult BRACES?!  Oh yeh... not only that, but I had just recently gotten to the phase of the RUBBER BANDS!  You know the ones that look like saliva is connecting the top of your braces to the bottom ones. Yeh...those.


Uh-Huh... Yep.  I was quite the beauty that day.


After my run, I rushed up the stairs to catch the tail-end of Summer's gymnastics class when I saw him.


NOOOOO.....no, no, no, no, no....not now...not now....not freakin' now,..... was the conversation in my head.  
Then, he spotted me..... Daaaaang it!  Oh gosh, he's heading my way. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it.... and he has the cutest little strawberry blonde child on his hip..and they are heading straight towards me.  Is there a way out of this?!
What do I do? What do I do?  You can't run away Teri!  You can't ignore him! You have NO choice. You must engage in conversation. (Squealing in my head!)  Okay, girlie BUCK UP..this is freakin' happening, so compose yourself. (he's getting closer).. THEN, I did something I still cannot believe I did!

I flippin' used my tongue to pop each rubber band that was properly holding my braces in place....AND I SWALLOWED THEM!!  I swallowed my rubber bands!  Oh yes I did!  I thought, "He might see me with a purple face and no lipstick...and he might see me all sweaty with dirty hair....but I'll be damned if he will get to see me talk to him with stretching rubber bands on my braces! No flippin' way!"


There he is.  There I am. 

I smile and say (like the dork I am), "Hi, *Johnny! Yep, (pointing to my braces) adult braces (fakey laugh).  Ouch right? (oh. my. gosh. that was the dumbest thing you could've said, Teri.) I try to act cool, "You good?  Good.  Well, she is just the cutest thing I ever saw. What's her name?  Oh wow, that is southern beautiful, Johnny.  Me? Three. Yep...boy, girl, boy.... they are awesome.... I just went jogging (another fake laugh)..that's why my face is probably purple.  (Okay...stop talking...just stop talking. You are totally choking.)  I keep going, "It is so crazy to see you here...Wow...what time is it....well, I better go and get my little girl. Oh yeh! Great seeing you too, *Johnny.  Take care.  Hope to see you and your family around again!"


Okay....Seriously?  Seriously, God.  THAT is the way you wanted it?  Well, thanks for nothin'!


I called my dad as soon as I could get back in the car and his laugh just about busted my good eardrum. "Yep, Dad....glad I could give you the greatest laugh you've had in a long time."  I can still hear him laugh.  I had to laugh too, to be honest.  It really was hilarious.


Later that night, Kevin gets home and I tell him the entire scenario.  I tell him what I was hoping our "first after meeting" would be like...... all the way to me popping off my rubber bands and swallowing them.


Kevin's response?  "You are so weird, Teri."
"Am not!", I snap, totally offended.

He adds, "And why do you care how you look when you see him anyway."
I smirked and said, "Are you serious with that question?  Why do I care??...because I am human, that's why.  We all wanna look our best when we see an ex, Kevin. Admit it.  You know you would want to look your best if you ran into *Lynette.  Admit it."


He lies, "I could care less, Teri."  (Okay, maybe he wouldn't care, but SHE sure would. I guaran-dang-tee it!)


I said, "Well, if you think I'm weird about wanting to look good for any of MY former boyfriends... here's something you might find even weirder.... I would want to look freakin' drop dead gorgeous if I ran into any of YOUR ex-girlfriends."


He laughed and said, "Are you serious with this?  Why?... I mean, I chose you...so who cares what she thinks?"


"Oh Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin..... precious, stupid Kevin." Haha!

 At this point he pulls me to him, hugs me as tight as he can and laughingly says, "Oh my goodness, you are so weird...but lucky for you, I'm totally attracted to weird."


You know?  Maybe I am a little weird....I mean, who swallows their rubber bands?!   

You know what?  Nu-uh..I'm not weird.  If I AM then we ALL are because you KNOW you all care!  
I know it.  You know it.  We ALL KNOW IT.  

We ALL CARE.  So there. Hee!


*BY THE WAY.....guess who built a house right down the street from us?  Yep.  You guessed it. Haha! 
My ex, his beautiful, brilliant wife and their three gorgeous girls live right around the corner.  And his girls and my Summer are friends!  They are a precious family.  

Life is funny, isn't it? ;-)

Thou Shall take that "First Step"

"The first step is sometimes the hardest one to take.....but you can't move forward until you take it"
~~ My mom, Barbara Spinks

If you walked into my den right now, you would literally think a tornado had swept through my house and bypassed every single room, except for my den. Ha!

I have books piled high up to my waist, boxes of pictures stacked neatly in corners, exercise equipment, children's toys, art supplies, sentimental school projects and much, much more in a system that can only be described as "organized chaos."


And I'm THRILLED about this!  
Huh?  Did she just say "Thrilled?"
Yep. More like Ecstatic!


Here's why:  This organized chaos represents a "first step" for me.  A first step into doing what I've been wanting to do FOREVER now.  I have been wanting to turn this "catch-all-room" (which is only 5 tiny steps from my bedroom) into my very own "OFFICE" for years. 

Yes! My own work space!!

Until now, it's been the computer/ hunting gear/ school & art supply "catch-all" room....but NOW, I am going to breathe new life and new energy into this space as it becomes my very own office....my very own creative work space. I could not be happier!

And I have my workhorse, let's-do-this, there's-no-better-time-than-the-present, mom to thank for it!

Why?! Because when you mention something like wanting to make this "junk room" into an office or wanting to switch children's rooms around so that they can have their own space and appropriate privacy, Mom doesn't have to think to hard, or even long on this...nor does she procrastinate. 
She simply rolls up her sleeves, takes that "first step" and GETS STARTED!


For months, I have been consumed and even overwhelmed at the mere thought of all of the work that I knew was in store for me.


But Mom will tell you, "Don't look at the overall picture and how grandiose the job is today....just start with the tiniest step toward your goal.  Start with something small....just do something."


Well, mentioning this to Mom was a BRILLIANT move on my part!


While I was gone with my little crew visiting my in-laws over the weekend, my sweet, hardworking mama GOT BUSY!
She cleaned out closets.  She moved furniture.  She got rid of furniture.  She got online to order more furniture!!  ha!

She stacked all of the belongings from the closets and drawers in an orderly fashion in my den so that I can easily rummage through and keep what is necessary and simply dispose of the many, many, MANY items that I should have let go of years ago! ha!

My mom's sister, my Aunt Kirdy (pronounce Keer-dy) arrived and began helping Mom get Summer's room into a "Tween-age" wonderland!
While we were gone, mom measured and took note of the dimensions to Summer's new computer desk and little nooks so that they could find just the right items for her room. And according to Aunt Kirdy, Mom had them travel all over Shreveport to "every single furniture store in town." ha!


When we got back home from visiting Kevin's parents, Summer walked into her "new" room and was so stunned and happy, I thought she was going to cry!  She hugged Mom so tightly and I felt pure JOY, if you wanna know the truth.  It was a feeling straight from heaven for me.  I literally could not believe how hard Mom had worked...how much time she and Aunt Kirdy must have spent trying to help me see this goal come to life.

There is still SO much to get done, but now that Mom took that "first step" for me and got me started, I feel that I can do this! AND, I'm released from that silly (but dreaded) fear of how overwhelming it was all going to be.  
I got this!!!

My mom has always been the "doer".  

*Growing up, Dad always had the grand ideas....but it was always my mom who implemented them and made sure they came to fruition.
*Dad was the visionary...while Mom was the "tell me what I can do to help you get started" life partner.
*Dad was the "Let's go buy a motorhome and travel with the cousins to the beach" fella....while Mom was the "packer, organizer, navigator, let's make this happen" gal.


You get the picture. ;-)


If you are one of the lucky ones, you will have a "starter" a "let's do this" soul who is always ready, willing and able to help you get going with your latest project, your newest dream or your grandest vision. They are the ones who help you take that "first step."  That beautiful first step towards your ultimate goal...whether it be cleaning up, moving out, stepping up or moving on. 

That "First Step" is the most important one.


For my siblings and me, our own "First Stepper" is our amazing, remarkable, talented, efficient, "get 'er done" mom.


Whether it was my "first step" in life as a baby....or helping me take that "first step" after that painful break-up with a first love.....or helping me navigate my "next step" when it came to parenting one of my children..... my mom is always there.


*Oh...and the best part?  Mom not only knows how to get me started....but somehow she actually knows how to make it fun.....and ......even cleansing somehow.


Mom is the "starter"....the "fixer"....the "doer"..... She is my "Let's take that first step towards good stuff" Mom...and I am grateful to God for letting me have her.  
How incredibly blessed I am.


Mom said it best, "The first step is sometimes the hardest one to take....but you can't move forward until you take it."


Life is really good.
Take that First Step towards making it even better. ;-)


Teri

Thou shall embrace life's "do-overs"!

A glimpse into my "not-so-perfect marriage"

Remember when we were kids and sometimes we'd mess up in a game with friends and we'd instantly yell, "Do over!"
Remember?

Sometimes they'd let us have the "Do over" and .......sometimes they wouldn't. 

Well, I kinda forgot about that childhood "mulligan" until today when I needed a "take two" myself. 

Let me just say that many times my husband, Kevin, will have to work a "swing shift" or "night shift" so if there is something on my mind, I have to save it all up and try to remember everything for whenever I see him again.

This morning, I was packing everybody up for our weekend trip to Zachary (near Baton Rouge) to see Kevin's family.
Faith (Steele's lab) was outta control! Ha! I literally could not go 3 minutes without pulling her sharp teeth from any number of my antique furniture pieces. It was just one of those mornings that had me feeling kinda stressed.

Kevin worked last night, so he slept through all of the morning craziness.

I finally got to hop in the shower at noon. I was busy shampooing my hair when Kevin slid the shower door open a little bit. But my eyes were closed so I didn't see him. He finally said, "Hey there".
Startled, I opened my eyes and said, "Oh my gosh, you scared me, babe!"

He smiled, slid the door back closed and said, "How's it going today?"

I said (in a stressed tone), "Well, it's been hectic, if you wanna know the truth. Faith has been outta control, she chewed part of Slade's mattress because you forgot to put her back in her kennel when I took the kids to school... I'm off the timed schedule to pick the kids up early from school.... By the way, Kev, did you remember to ask off for Super Bowl Sunday like I asked?"

Kevin replied, "Aw man! No and I didn't get off because everybody requested it already"

"KEV! Seriously?!? I already RSVP'd to our friends that we'd be at their party...Now I gotta call them back and tell them we can't make it. Dang it, Babe!"

I continue, "Well, did you at least get off that first weekend of March when I am going to Seaside with Leigh, Toni and Jenny for our annual 1/2 marathon trip?"

I hear him say, "oh my goodness. Totally forgot and I'm already off two other weekends that month so I can't do it"

"Kevin, are you kidding me? Uugh.... Why can't things be easy for me?! Now I have to ask friends to help me out and I hate asking so much of them"

Dead silence.

So I say, "Are you still in here? Kev? Babe!

Then I hear him close to the shower door and he says, "You know what? I'm gonna go get back in the bed, get out and try this again."

The door shuts behind him.

I reach out to grab my towel and think about what just happened and I begin to feel terrible. He worked all night long. Slept about 4 hours. Wakes up happy....and in the swoop of about 4 minutes, I completely sucked the joy right out of him. This time "I" was the "joy-sucker". Dang it, Teri.
Okay, he is giving me a "Do over" so I have a choice when he comes back in here.

I can either continue with my frustrated tone and pity-party attitude....OR.....completely play along and take this "Take two" opportunity and make things fun. What is it, Teri? What's it gonna be, Miss "Happiness is a choice".... Dig deep girl.

Kevin walks in. He slides the shower door over. I'm wrapped in my towel at this point, hair soaked and dripping.
He smiles and repeats his original, "Hey there".

I smile and say in a flirty tone, "Well, Hi there. It's nice to see ya this mornin'. Would you like to join me?". *wink*

He slides the door over a little more and says, "Hmmm... Now this is quite a 'Do over'.

You know, throughout your life, you'll hear people say, "You only have one life, so you better get it right!"

Well, that's true.....Sorta.....

Yes, we only have one life, but lucky for us..... in this one life we will have many opportunities for "Do overs" when we mess up.

Take advantage of the "Do Overs"! Make it right when it's within your power. Otherwise, your missing out on some of the very best parts of life. ;-)

Cheers to the "Do overs" of life.... *Clink*


-Teri

Thou shall de-stress your life...

“God didn’t do it all in one day...what makes me think I can?”

-Anonymous

It’s Friday! Friday means “Tips” Day and this week I have scoured the internet, read my magazines (and most importantly, quizzed my girl-friends) in order to compile the top 5 Tips to De-Stress your life. I don’t profess to be great at any of the below but I have to admit, they all work if you can achieve them.  

1. Manage Your Time 

Do you find yourself at the grocery more than twice a week? Did you forget the dry cleaning even though you were right next door picking up light bulbs at Home Depot? I used to do this ALL THE TIME...It caused stress because my days (and likely yours) are busy enough. The key, I believe, is to make lists. Keep track of your errands and group together based on location. Get in a habit of doing this and after just 2 weeks, you will have better routine in your life. Also, have a magnetic note pad on the fridge and encourage kids to put their wants and needs on the pad. Feel free to adjust once you’re shopping though unless you really do want your kids eating ho hos and  frosted  gummy bears for breakfast.

2. Say No. 

Simple as that. The more you take on, the more stress you create in your lives. Prioritize what must be done; work, exercise, etc. (these are your “core” responsibilities. Then fill in your schedule with a reasonable amount of what I call “non-essentials” (hair appointments, meetings at your kid’s school, dinner with your bff). After that, just say “no” to anything extra, no matter how appealing it may sound. Remember, your body and mind need a certain amount of down time. As moms, we try not to over-schedule our kids but somehow have no concerns with over-scheduling ourselves.

3. Don’t procrastinate. 

Isn’t it amazing how downright pleasant it can be to help your child with their Science Fair Project when it’s due a week from Tuesday and so completely miserable to help them the night before it is due. Why? Stress, of course! Deadlines create stress and the more demanding the deadline, the higher the stress level. Try to get a jump start on things with steadfast deadlines (bill paying, work projects, large school projects). Your stress level will drop dramatically. 

4. Plan, plan, plan. 

A friend of mine meets with her husband and kids for ten minutes every weekend just to see what they have on their schedules for the week ahead. Do they have big tests? Any items needed to bring into school?Meeting for ten minutes sounds simple, right? It is, but what she gets in return is a HUGE amount of predictability to her life and predictability is GOOD. I know it seems sexier to fly by the seat of your pants but you won’t feel sexy or carefree when you are scouring the aisles of the 24 hour mini-mart trying to find the popsicle sticks your son needs to bring in to science class the next morning.

5. Delegate, delegate, delegate. 

Ok, I must admit I flat out stink at this in some aspects of my life but I’m great at it at home! If your kids are over 2, chances are they can start helping you around the house and they should! It teaches responsibility and helps you de-stress. The key is choosing age-appropriate tasks for each of your kids (my kids were dusting by age 3, I swear) and have a manner to keep track of their tasks. There is a reason your kid’s teacher keeps those charts in the classroom...they WORK! If your kids argue about whether it is easier to clean windows that to vacuum floors, try what I do. At my house, once every two weeks we draw rooms. Each child and I end up with a few rooms (in addition to their bedroom) to maintain clean for those two weeks and then we re-draw. The kids learn how to maintain some order in our home and I get the privilege of not having to clean the entire house on weekends after a full work week...a win-win!

Have some great tips of your own to help you de-stress? I’d love to hear them and share them! Comment below or email me at commandmentsforlife@gmail.com

I wish you good luck and less stress!

Claudia

Thou Shall Maintain Thy Sense of Humor

"When you've got personality, you don't need the nudity." ~~ Mae West

My dad used to say, "God is like this Great Comedian....only he's playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."  The older I get, the more I understand what he meant.  I think in the seriousness of our lives, we forget that it's okay to laugh at it all....our lives, the crazy situations we get ourselves into and even those not-so-comfortable circumstances we can sometimes find ourselves in.  

It's good and probably healthy to find humor in these life lessons.  Otherwise, what's the point, you know?  Without humor, we might as well go suck our thumb in a corner somewhere while rocking back and forth singing, "Mary Had a Little Lamb!"  We would all go stir-crazy without a little humor every now and then!

I feel like God absolutely humbles me at every turn!  And it is ONLY through laughter that I get over some of the more "humbling" experiences.

Here is just one of MANY examples that I could share with all of you:  
One year I helped my family host a surprise birthday party for my grandmother, Gracie.  We held it in the same town where I went to college.  I was super excited because I knew I'd get to see many of my old friends, as well as my grandmother's friends, whom I had grown especially close to during my college years. 

I talked to old professors, many, many dear friends of hers..... and even a couple of my old college boyfriends who came to wish her well!

I was. set. up. and. feeling. fine that day!  I had on my favorite little white sundress.  I had lost all of my "baby weight" from my second pregnancy by that point, so I was feeling pretty spry. My make-up looked fresh.  My hair actually did what it was supposed to that day....so, as any typical (and somewhat vain woman would tell you) it was, very simply put, a very, very good day!


After it was all over, I went to my mom (while smiling from ear to ear) and said, "Mom! Wasn't this a GREAT party!!"  Mom sort of gasped and calmly said, "Teri, when did you eat spinach?" 


At this point I am feeling hot all over.  I feel myself blushing and I am praying Mom is just pulling my leg. (Oh dear God in Heaven! Please, please, please...not today....not freakin' today!)

I answer slowly to my mom and hesitate before I answer, "Before the party, Mom.  I haven't eaten since everyone arrived.....Why?  Why are you asking me this?"  She starts dieing laughing and points to a nearby mirror.  I go over to the mirror....I  smile a quick fake smile and then.... NOOOOOO!!!! Say it ain't SOOOOO!!!  


It wasn't just a little bitty tiny, maybe-they-saw-it-maybe-they-didn't piece of spinach....it was a HUGE piece of spinach that was quite comfortably nestled in-between my two front teeth and NOBODY told me!! NOBODY!!  In my head, I'm thinking of all of the many people I had carried on conversations with, trying not to miss a soul!  I began hoping that maybe I didn't smile that much.... Maybe I was very calm and serene....no, no, no..of course I smiled...and NOW I know why they smiled so much back to ME!!!!


Why God!! WHY?  Why must I be humbled like this constantly?! 

I then notice Mrs. Williams, (a beloved lifetime friend of my grandmother's and she was actually a teacher to my parents when they were in high school) so we were practically family, right?!  She should have told me, doncha think?! 

So, I march over and say, "Mrs. Williams!  We had a twenty minute conversation and you never told me I had spinach in my teeth!!"  "What the heck?!" 

Mrs. Williams has a southern accent that matches her southern charm....and she answered slowly and methodically in her sweet southern tone, "Why, Ter-ah, I jes simply thought it was decay, Honey. No worries, a'tall!"


NO WORRIES?!  Is she freakin' kidding me! DECAY??  Oh no biggie...she just thought..... No, no, no, no...this isn't happening....I want a do-over.  I want to throw another party so I can smile without spinach in my teeth!! Hahaha!!

In that moment, I wanted to cry, but you know what I did instead?  The only option I had really.... I laughed and laughed and then Dad did what Dad did best...He put a huge, HUGE chunk of spinach spread across all of his teeth, walked by me and smiled. Haha!  I LAUGHED until I cried! Haha!

They say that laughter soothes the soul.  I'll go a step further and say that laughter is actually a cure for grief.  It's so weird, but many times, this is the only coping mechanism I can muster when I find that my life is in utter disarray.  Sure, I might cry about it, sulk about it and even vent about it at first....but eventually the laughter comes.  It just does.  It is that sweet gift from Heaven that tickles the heart and gently soothes the soul.

So laugh!! And Laugh BIG!
...and for Pete's sake....tell your friend if she is sporting spinach in the middle of her teeth! Ha!

Keep Laughing!
Teri

 

Thou shall Keep up with the Kardashians...if you must...

“There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm.”  ~Willa Cather

I’ve got a confession...Are you sitting down??? 

(Deep breath) I let my kids watch reality TV.  Lots of reality TV...and not particularly good reality TV (is there any good kind???)

Keeping up with the Kardiashians? They watch it. Toddlers and Tiaras? It’s recorded to the DVR. The Bachelor? Puuullleeeezzzz...we have an entire night at my house devoted to it. 

It’s a sickness, I know, but like with any addiction, the first step is admitting that you have a problem, right? Well, actually, before we get to that, maybe we should evaluate whether we (ok, “I”...since I am in charge of what they watch) have a problem after all.

You see, my children are pretty well balanced, well-mannered, smart kids. They all manage to pull off great grades which I would love to take credit for, but am rarely if ever asked for help. They help around the house without complaining (most of the time). They take care of their baby sister better than any full time nanny I could hire. Sure, they have their moments but overall, I consider myself extremely lucky in the parenting department. To prove my point, if I didn’t have great kids, I would never be able to manage my household, be a partner in my own law firm and still find time to write (which I love).  

So, my kids are great kids. But still, they watch the most incredible amount of crap on TV. I wish I could find a more eloquent word to describe the quality of their programming but I can’t...it’s crap....C.R.A.P. 

You could watch an entire season of “Dance Moms” and not find a single redeeming quality in any of the moms on that show. They are bitter, jealous, hostile and just plain mean. And don’t get me started with the moms on Toddlers and Tiaras. They are so clearly trying to fill some sad, lonely void in their pasts by vicariously living through their once innocent and now, “not so innocent” daughters. Seriously, people, put the blow dryer down and step away from the mascara!

I struggle to find the perfect word to describe the quality of this type of programming but “nauseating” seems to sum it up best.

So, if these shows are so awful, what am I doing allowing my children to watch it? 

First, let’s just dispense with the obvious. These shows are fun. PERIOD. Yes, you heard me...FUN! It’s fun to watch people make complete jackasses of themselves. It’s fun to see these people think so highly of themselves, completely oblivious to the fact that they are making total idiots of themselves on TV. Come on, you know it’s true. Does the young woman who is crying her eyes out after being rudely denied a rose and a chance to return on next week’s episode of “The Bachelor” look like an idiot when she goes on to describe to camera crews how she felt that her and this season’s bachelor really “had found true love” after knowing each other just 36 minutes??? OF COURSE. And that’s what makes it fun. 

But aside from entertainment (and they are definitely entertaining), these shows provide something I think is far more valuable. They teach us what NOT TO DO. And that, my friends, in my opinion, is every bit as important as being told what TO DO.

I could spend a week describing to Alexandra, my ten year old, how important it is to be humble if she beats another girl in a basketball game. We could sit and discuss how your integrity is on the line each and every day and there is no better test of your character and integrity than the manner in which you treat other people. I could teach her that gloating and being cocky will make her look ugly and arrogant and that is no way to behave OR....

I could watch an episode of Toddlers and Tiaras and listen to one mom go on and on about how her daughter is the MOST beautiful, MOST talented, has the longest eye lashes and the best bikini body of anyone who has ever competed in the 4 and under division....(and, yes, people, there is a swim suit competition).

I could describe to Gabby, my fourteen year old, the importance of protecting her virtue and staying true to herself...or we could watch an episode of the bachelor and watch girl after girl do unthinkable things on first “dates” only to be cut by the bachelor after that very evening (relax, friends, it is public broadcasting...) After such an episode the conversation usually goes something like this...

Gabby: “Why in the world would she do that?”

Me: “I’m not sure, honey. I guess she thought, stupidly, that by doing that, she would get him to like her more.”

Gabby: “She’s an idiot. It only made her look like a tramp.”

Now, that, my friends, is what we mothers like to call a “teachable moment.”

Sure, are there more traditional ways to teach my children? Of course. And please put the phone down because Child Protective Services is very busy today....I promise you I mix in plenty of good ole’ fashioned  traditional parenting with the non-traditional. My only point is that it can be just as easy to learn proper behavior by watching examples of what not to do...just as easy and a lot more fun! 

Thou shall expect Hope through disappointment…..

“Hope is both the earliest and most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive.  If life is to be sustained, hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.”

~~ Erik H. Erikson

  

It is no secret that disappointment, hurt, heartache and loss are all part of this life-journey.

In fact, I am willing to bet that every single one of you have experienced some sort of hurt or disappointment that altered your life in such a way that it propelled you into a completely different direction than what you had meticulously planned for yourself.

If we live long enough, we will ALL experience some sort of hurt or disappointment at different points in our lives.

Every single day, someone is experiencing:

*A job loss

*Financial burdens

*Divorce

*Illness

*Disease

*Physical pain

*Trouble or heartache with a child, a friend or a family member

….and the list goes on and on.

In times of trouble or heartache, we oftentimes want to suppress our sadness to the outside world and “handle” it in the privacy of our own heart.  We don’t want the world to be burdened by or even know about our troubles so we hide our grief and pain and “save it” for when we are alone.

I completely understand this, but having gone through some of life’s stumbling-blocks a few times myself, I recognize the importance of friends and the healing that friends can lend just by extending simple words of hope during our darkest hour.

I once read a quote that stated it best.  It read:  “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you’ve forgotten the words.”

I have in my home one of my most treasured possessions in a big white Rubbermaid container.  In that container are stored hundreds of letters, emails and cards from friends, relatives, neighbors, church members, children and others who wrote to me during a difficult loss in my life.

Each message of love and support was a reminder to my heart of what I already knew but couldn’t express during this time of despair.  These loving sentiments from friends began filling my spirit with such HOPE.  And as Hope filled my spirit, gratitude began fueling my soul.

It’s an incredible thing really…..

There is an old saying, “Hope has the ability to see the invisible, to feel the intangible, and achieve the impossible.”

So, as disappointment can devastate, it is that whisper of Hope that tells us to keep moving forward and to hang on just a little longer.

Hope through disappointment can be the catalyst that sends us soaring into our finest hour, because when you feel you have nothing, Hope proves to give you everything.

Hope is what can lead us to our greatest destiny.

We have to come to a place of understanding that when we are in the darkest hour of our lives, we cannot make it on our own… We need help.  We need our loved ones to remind us of what we already know to be true to our heart... There is always hope…. There is always faith….And after going through any difficult time, there is always a life-lesson to be learned.

These hard-earned lessons are meant to strengthen the very core of who we are and what we are meant to be for this world.

It is also during these times that I believe that we are being prepared for something pretty terrific down the road.  You see, we are being prepared for GREATNESS.

Relish in that fact and draw comfort in the knowledge that Hope always triumphs over experience.  Always.

Thou shall refuse to believe you have no options

“When quitting is no longer an option, you are half-way there.”

-Anonymous

After dropping off my daughter for the warm up of her basketball game, I had an hour to kill before actual game time. I figured a quick trip to Wal-Mart was in order to pick up the binder and folder she had been asking me to buy for about a week but I kept forgetting on every one of my many errand runs. At check out, I find myself face to face with the cashier. As is my usual protocol, I said hello and asked how he was doing, only to be greeted by complete silence. I didn’t even get a glance up as he roughly threw my school supplies in a plastic bag and announced my $7.88 bill. As I handed him my ten and waited for my change, I hear his co-worker ask him if he was due for his break. Again, without looking up, he rudely announced in a gruff tone that he was “overdue.” I looked over at the other cashier, who exchanged my glance and then shrugged her shoulders, as if to say “don’t worry, he’s always like that.”

I got my change, waited for a moment for a “thank you” or perhaps a “come back and see us again” to which I have become accustomed to (perhaps by my many years of living in the South).  It never came. I gathered up my bag and headed to my car, all the while thinking to myself, “Why would anyone choose to live their life in such a miserable mood?” It has to be excruciating to be such a downer to not only everyone around you, but most importantly, to you, yourself. 

Just then, my cell phone rang and on the other end of the line was one of my good friends, “Jamie.” After listening to Jamie explain our plans for the afternoon with our girls, I relayed my encounter with the rude (and truly pitiful) cashier and I asked Jamie why she thought anyone would choose to live their life in that state...just so mad at the world...so determined to not only be miserable, but make everyone else around him miserable as well. 

Jamie’s answer surprised me, “Maybe he doesn’t have options.” 

“Options?” I asked. “What do you mean?”

Jamie went on to explain that she, a social worker, encounters these types of people every day and I have to agree, I have been seeing more than my fair share as well. “The economy is in the gutter, and he probably doesn’t want to be a cashier but has no options...he has to pay the bills,” Jamie said.

Now,  you have to understand. I am incredibly sympathetic with people who have been hit hard by this economy. I know times have gotten very tough for too many people and I am very hopeful that things will turn around soon. But I still don’t understand the concept of a “doom and gloom” attitude while you sit back believing you have “no options.”

Everyone has options. Let me repeat that. Everyone has options. 

I had an option when I was in high school to do well enough to be able to go to college. I had the option to come home from high school, sit on the couch and eat chips (or worse yet, do drugs) or I could go to the tennis court and work on my game. I chose the option of the latter, and that choice earned me an athletic scholarship. I could have partied my way through my entire college career but I wanted to give myself options, so I worked hard at my grades and earned a right to go to law school. I worked while in law school, waiting tables and also in the athletic department, so that I could pay for my education. Those things don’t happen by accident though. Each and every step I have made (and every misstep as well) has come because of a choice I have made. Those choices, my friends, are options, and we all have them.

Take my friend, Robin. Single mother of 3 children, divorced. Robin had been working as a secretary in a small law office, barely making ends meet for her family. She decided to enroll in a paralegal program three nights a week. In a year, she had earned her paralegal certificate and a good little bump in her salary. Just a short 6 months later, she enrolled in law school (in the evenings) and while it took her 6 years to earn her J.D., she is now a fantastic lawyer in a very prestigious law firm in Memphis, TN. Were all those extra hours easy on Robin? Heck, no. Were they worth it? Absolutely.

There is also my friend, Adam, who lost his wife in a car accident a little more than two years ago. Adam now raises his boys on his own and is not only one of the best dads I know, he has one of the sunniest dispositions of anyone I have ever met. I remember asking him one day how he maintained such a positive attitude despite being dealt a hand many would crumble under. His answer was simple. “It was a choice,” he said. “I had the option to pull the covers over my head and be depressed for the rest of my life...or I could decide to be happy again...for me and for my boys.” 

Adam and Robin created options for themselves. We all can too. The key, I believe, is never to start believing you are out of options. Options exist everywhere but so does the urge to “give up” when things start to get tough. But it’s when things get tough that you truly get to determine what kind of character you have. So, when faced with adversity will you dwell in the negative or will you work to create better options for yourself? It’s a choice...and the choice is yours..

Thou shall resolve to eat healthier and make good food choices!

Hello, Friday! Weekend is just around the corner and life is GOOD!

In honor of it being Friday, I thought we might switch up the blog post for today and instead share some great tips that I have gathered about healthy lifestyles/weight loss.

For those of you who have emailed about wanting more “tips,” this one is going out to YOU!

Recently, I was out to dinner with a group of girlfriends and the topic of weight loss came up (doesn’t it always seem to creep into those girl nights???) I started hearing some great tips and some not so great ones too (a hunger strike, while effective, is not a healthy means to multi-task your spiritual and weight loss activities). Before long, I was scribbling furiously, and while my notes were taken on a cocktail napkin, we all agreed that these ten tips were by far the BEST health/weight loss tips imaginable!

1. Resolve never to supersize your food portions—unless you want to supersize your clothes. Portion control...portion control...portion control. Moderation is key. You can eat whatever you want, you just can’t eat as much of it as you want if you want to lose weight. Have a good taste and then remember that no matter how many more tastes you take, it’s never going to get any better than the first one.
2. Add just one fruit or veggie serving daily. Get used to that, then add an extra serving until you reach 8 to 10 a day. Fruits and veggies are generally fiber dense and lower calorie than the fatty alternatives. And they will fill you up. Not to mention what they do for your heart, your skin, etc. Take the time to record how many servings of fruits and veggies you eat today and I can almost guarantee you are not getting 8-10, which is recommended for optimal health AND weight loss. Yes, they are great for weight loss too...after all, you can’t eat a donut if you’re eating broccoli. 
3. Find a picture of you when you were at your optimal weight and post it on the fridge. According to my girlfriends, it’s great inspiration and motivation to shut the door when you would otherwise be mindless eating. Where, or where, is my eight grade yearbook???
4. Eating out? Halve it, and take home the rest. A typical restaurant entree has 1,000 to 2,000 calories, not even counting the bread, appetizer, beverage, and dessert. Drinking alcohol at that meal, add another couple hundred calories usually. Extra tip? Ask to split the entry in the kitchen or do it as soon as it arrives on your table. Research shows that your brain tells your body that it can be satisfied by whatever is on your plate...if it only sees half, half is going to be enough (most of the time). 
5. Instead of whole milk, switch to 1 percent. If you drink one 8-oz glass a day, you’ll lose 5 lb in a year. (And it really does still taste good).
6. Cut back on or cut out caloric drinks such as soda, sweet tea, lemonade, etc. People have lost weight by making just this one change. If you have a 20-oz bottle of Coca-Cola every day, switch to Diet Coke. You should lose 25 lb in a year. 25 pounds, people!!!!
7. Don’t “graze” yourself fat. You can easily munch 600 calories of pretzels or cereal without realizing it. On that note, actually portion out a serving of pretzels or chips or whatever and see what you are eating. I know it’s not fun to do that because then we can’t delude ourselves into believing that the 65 chips we just ate are 1 serving. But do it...it works!
8. Make exercise a nonnegotiable priority. As in, schedule it. Mark it on your calendar and treat is as high priority as your most important business meeting or the need to get your child from school.
9. Try 2 weeks without sweets. It’s amazing how your cravings vanish. (I’m not a “sweets” person so this wouldn’t be hard for me but for my friends who love sweets, I know this is easier said than done). There is solid research that supports this though...worth a try.
10. Drink WATER!  All day, every day. It flushes out toxins and keeps you hydrated and your metabolism going. Also, when you’re exercising, you shouldn’t wait for thirst to strike before you take a drink. By the time you feel thirsty, you’re already dehydrated. Try this: Drink at least 16 ounces of water, sports drinks, or juices two hours before you exercise. Then drink 8 ounces an hour before and another 4 to 8 ounces every 15 to 20 minutes during your workout. Finish with at least 16 ounces after you’re done exercising.

Try these tips and let me know how you feel! Think we missed an important tip? Post it in the comments and I’ll update the blog.

-Good Luck, Claudia 

Thou shall not be afraid to let your child fail

“Failure doesn't mean you are a failure... it just means you haven't succeeded yet.  

~Robert Schuller

We live in a world today in which children are praised for even the smallest task. It seems we as parents, their schools, their sports teams, and other extracurricular organizations can’t wait for an opportunity to place a ribbon on a child, hang a medal around their neck, or place a trophy in their hand. Surely, I’m not the only one who has noticed this. 

Case in point: Last year I attended my 14-year old daughter’s eighth grade graduation ceremony. Three hours of awards, medals and recognitions later, I have to admit, I was a bit burned out. Honoring Dean’s Lit students???...of course...Applauding the 8th grade math team’s national recognition???....undoubtably...But a standing ovation for the Field Day’s Tug of War Champions???? Come on...I’m going to have to draw the line.

Graduation ceremonies are special. They’re also supposed to be unique. They signal a marker in one’s life and a signal of a time to pause and celebrate one’s accomplishments. I have always been one to relish an accomplishment and never one to shy away from a celebration. But are we taking all this celebrating just a bit too far???

High school graduation is an almost sacred time. It marks the end of one’s youth and the start of a new chapter in your life. Some will continue on with their educations and others will venture into the workplace for the first time. Almost all do so outside of the comfort and safety of the family home and start out on their own. That, my friends, is worth celebrating. 

In fact, high school graduations are as much a celebration for the parents of the graduate as they are for the graduate themselves. Just scan the crowd at any high school graduation and while you will see some teary eyes of some parents reluctant to see their babies leave the nest, you will also see the familiar relieved expressions of others who are just happy to see their children make it to this point. Whichever parent you are (and maybe you are a bit of both) there is still a celebration that your child has made it to this special point in his or her life (and that you have managed not to kill them in the process). 

There are other good graduation markers of course...Medical school, law school, MBAs. But eight grade graduation? Is that really a cause of celebration? Don’t even get me started on elementary school graduation and worst of all, preschool graduation. Now don’t get me wrong, I arrived an hour early for Alexandra, my now 10-year old’s preschool graduation. Of course, I wanted to guarantee a front row seat because watching those precious 4 and 5-year olds in full cap and gown from any other seat would have been just ridiculous. So I’m the first to admit its easy to get wrapped up in all this celebrating. After all, what’s the harm? 

But actually, I do believe we may be harming our children with what any good NFL referee would throw the flag for in announcing “excessive celebration.” Our children are being taught that event the smallest gesture or accomplishment deserves a medal. I fear our children may start to set the bar just a tad low. Yet, despite all of this, I was surprised to learn just how many parents still favor this multitude of celebrations. 

Two years ago, Teri and I were placed in charge of field day at our children’s school. In years past, whenever any child completed an event at field day they earned a ribbon. While 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place ribbons were not awarded, each and every child received a ribbon simply for participating. We are not just talking about one “thanks for participating” ribbon for each student at the end of the day. Oh, no. We are talking about one ribbon to each and every child at each and every station they moved through. At the end of the day, each and every child child had literally dozens of ribbons. While nice and certainly colorful, I think it goes without saying that by the fourth or fifth ribbon, they stopped being special. Teri and I thought we might change things up a bit and forego the awarding of the exact same kind and number of ribbons to each student and instead award ribbons to those who had placed first through third in a certain event. 

For a good number of parents, the look on their faces indicated that we might as well had suggested we replace the Kool-aid station with pure vodka. “They aren’t all going to get a ribbon for each event?” asked one concerned mother. “Won’t they feel badly if they don’t place in an event?” echoed another. 

As Teri and I explained, we wanted to use field day as a day to reward athletic excellence. This was no different then the day science fair recognizes our best and brightest future scientists, or the day that the spelling bee acknowledges those for whom “spell check” need not ever had been invented. Teri and I knew however that this would be a tough crowd to win over. 

Now, I am completely in favor of building a child’s self-esteem. There is nothing wrong though for that sense of self esteem to be built honestly. I know some parents will find this hard to believe but your child will not be good at everything.  Shocking, I know...Some children are better mathematicians than others. Some children excel at sports. Yet others exceed expectations in the girl or boy scouts for example. But how can we allow our children to learn and develop their natural God-given talents if we continuously reward their abilities at anything and everything. 

Michael Phelps developed into quite possibly the best swimmer of all time because he did not excel at baseball and basketball. Michael Jordan, after being cut from his high school basketball team, poured his heart and soul into the sport he loved to prove to his coach that he did have the ability to excel. Would these athletes have done the same if not first faced with rejection? Would Albert Einstein have discovered the theory of relativity if his teacher had pinned a ribbon on him after his first failed attempt, telling him he had given it a good enough try?

My point is merely that at some time in our children's lives they will experience the feeling of disappointment or failure. There is no shame in that. In fact, from that failure, we may build a new found determination to succeed. That disappointment or failure may also redirect our children in their lives or provide a sharpened sense of focus. In short, it will bring growth and hopefully a better sense of purpose in their lives. Given that a failure can do all this, can we really consider that a failure at all?

-Claudia