"Thou Shall Care How You Look When You 'Bump' Into an Ex"

"There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it." ~~ Mark Twain

"Thou Shall Care How You Look When You 'Bump' Into an Ex"


There.  I said it.  And you all know it's true.  It's just that some of you will openly admit it and some will not. Ha!


I will NEVER forget the time (about 8 years ago) when I ran into an ex-fiance. 
*Okay, before I tell you this story, you must understand that I was happily married with three children, as was he!  So it had NOTHING to do with me having feelings for him...or him having feelings for me.  It was all about vanity. Ha!!


Anyway, it had been about 12 years since I had seen him last and I always wondered what it would be like when we finally ran into each other for the first time since our engagement ended all those years ago.  I knew it was bound to happen eventually, because we both ended up back in the same community with families of our own.


It's funny because whenever I would imagine how it might be when we finally bumped into each other, I always envisioned me looking freakin' hot! And him not so much. Ha!!

(Here's how the dreams went)
I was always outside in these daydreams for some reason.  I would be staring off at something very intensely while the wind would be softly blowing my hair. (hee!) My make-up would be a work of art that day.  And all at once I would feel his stare. (just like in the movies, right? ha!). 
I would then be happily surprised to turn and all of the sudden catch his glance.  I would smile and my teeth would be pristine white with that little *twinkle* we see in the movies. ;-)  I would smile and wave, and in slow motion (always in slow motion) I would walk up to him and give him a big hug and say, "Gosh you look great, *Johnny! I heard life has treated you so well..... and that makes me so happy."  
I would leave the scene feeling so good, so happy, so confident.  What a fun dream, huh??


(Well, THAT was how it was SUPPOSED to happen, you see!)


But, NOOOO.....Nu-uh.... not with me... not in my life. God just looooooves keeping me humble. Plus, HE's got a great sense of humor if ya haven't heard.  Haha!

NO! This particular day (about 12 years ago)....thiiiiisss one freakin' day I decided I wasn't going to wash my hair because I was going to go for a jog while my little girl, Summer, was in her gymnastics class.  I jogged for about 40 minutes outside so my face could get good and reddish/purple.  My hair was up in a pony tail all slicked back with sweat. (yuck!)  And, Oh! Did I mention that at the time, I had recently gotten adult BRACES?!  Oh yeh... not only that, but I had just recently gotten to the phase of the RUBBER BANDS!  You know the ones that look like saliva is connecting the top of your braces to the bottom ones. Yeh...those.


Uh-Huh... Yep.  I was quite the beauty that day.


After my run, I rushed up the stairs to catch the tail-end of Summer's gymnastics class when I saw him.


NOOOOO.....no, no, no, no, no....not now...not now....not freakin' now,..... was the conversation in my head.  
Then, he spotted me..... Daaaaang it!  Oh gosh, he's heading my way. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it.... and he has the cutest little strawberry blonde child on his hip..and they are heading straight towards me.  Is there a way out of this?!
What do I do? What do I do?  You can't run away Teri!  You can't ignore him! You have NO choice. You must engage in conversation. (Squealing in my head!)  Okay, girlie BUCK UP..this is freakin' happening, so compose yourself. (he's getting closer).. THEN, I did something I still cannot believe I did!

I flippin' used my tongue to pop each rubber band that was properly holding my braces in place....AND I SWALLOWED THEM!!  I swallowed my rubber bands!  Oh yes I did!  I thought, "He might see me with a purple face and no lipstick...and he might see me all sweaty with dirty hair....but I'll be damned if he will get to see me talk to him with stretching rubber bands on my braces! No flippin' way!"


There he is.  There I am. 

I smile and say (like the dork I am), "Hi, *Johnny! Yep, (pointing to my braces) adult braces (fakey laugh).  Ouch right? (oh. my. gosh. that was the dumbest thing you could've said, Teri.) I try to act cool, "You good?  Good.  Well, she is just the cutest thing I ever saw. What's her name?  Oh wow, that is southern beautiful, Johnny.  Me? Three. Yep...boy, girl, boy.... they are awesome.... I just went jogging (another fake laugh)..that's why my face is probably purple.  (Okay...stop talking...just stop talking. You are totally choking.)  I keep going, "It is so crazy to see you here...Wow...what time is it....well, I better go and get my little girl. Oh yeh! Great seeing you too, *Johnny.  Take care.  Hope to see you and your family around again!"


Okay....Seriously?  Seriously, God.  THAT is the way you wanted it?  Well, thanks for nothin'!


I called my dad as soon as I could get back in the car and his laugh just about busted my good eardrum. "Yep, Dad....glad I could give you the greatest laugh you've had in a long time."  I can still hear him laugh.  I had to laugh too, to be honest.  It really was hilarious.


Later that night, Kevin gets home and I tell him the entire scenario.  I tell him what I was hoping our "first after meeting" would be like...... all the way to me popping off my rubber bands and swallowing them.


Kevin's response?  "You are so weird, Teri."
"Am not!", I snap, totally offended.

He adds, "And why do you care how you look when you see him anyway."
I smirked and said, "Are you serious with that question?  Why do I care??...because I am human, that's why.  We all wanna look our best when we see an ex, Kevin. Admit it.  You know you would want to look your best if you ran into *Lynette.  Admit it."


He lies, "I could care less, Teri."  (Okay, maybe he wouldn't care, but SHE sure would. I guaran-dang-tee it!)


I said, "Well, if you think I'm weird about wanting to look good for any of MY former boyfriends... here's something you might find even weirder.... I would want to look freakin' drop dead gorgeous if I ran into any of YOUR ex-girlfriends."


He laughed and said, "Are you serious with this?  Why?... I mean, I chose you...so who cares what she thinks?"


"Oh Kevin, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin..... precious, stupid Kevin." Haha!

 At this point he pulls me to him, hugs me as tight as he can and laughingly says, "Oh my goodness, you are so weird...but lucky for you, I'm totally attracted to weird."


You know?  Maybe I am a little weird....I mean, who swallows their rubber bands?!   

You know what?  Nu-uh..I'm not weird.  If I AM then we ALL are because you KNOW you all care!  
I know it.  You know it.  We ALL KNOW IT.  

We ALL CARE.  So there. Hee!


*BY THE WAY.....guess who built a house right down the street from us?  Yep.  You guessed it. Haha! 
My ex, his beautiful, brilliant wife and their three gorgeous girls live right around the corner.  And his girls and my Summer are friends!  They are a precious family.  

Life is funny, isn't it? ;-)