Though shall not make an idiot of yourself on the sideline of your child’s soccer game

“A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water...”

-Author unknown

I love sports. All sports. Sure, there are some I enjoy more than others but really, it’s just the competition that appeals to me. The feeling of putting your heart and soul into a game and leaving everything you have, both mentally and physically, on a field or a court. I just can’t ever seem to get enough of it.  

I considered myself to have been an athlete. I started playing tennis when I was 10. By age 12, I was a nationally ranked junior tennis player and I ended up paying for my college education through a scholarship to Tulane University in New Orleans. It was a great honor both for me and my parents and I still look back and am grateful for everything my parents did to support my love of the sport.

Now, of course, I’m not a true athlete anymore. Today, my idea of “sport” is an hour on an elliptical machine or maybe if I’m really “feeling it,” maybe three miles on a treadmill or a spin class. Funny though, when I’m being barked at to turn up the intensity on my stationary bike by my burly, German accented, spinning instructor, I suddenly turn that knob on my bike as if I’m Lance Armstrong. Suddenly, I’m wearing the yellow shirt, cruising in first place, about to finish the Tour de France. Oh, I’m still an athlete alright...no question about that...

Then of course, the class ends, the lights turn up all the way and I realize I’m sitting on my bike alongside some heavy set accountant trying to turn off his heart rate monitor that’s been beeping since we started and two women trying just a little too hard to look good in their spandex at age 45. How can anyone truly feel like an athlete in this crowd?  Delusion...that’s how... We delude ourselves into thinking we are kids again... Lean and strong...and truly...what’s the word for it...oh, yeah...”athletic.”

Am I alone in this delusion? Puuuulllleeeeezzz...Of course not. In fact, there is a name for those who still yearn for their younger, more athletic days. I call us...ahem...I mean them... “born again.” Yes, that’s right, we are “born again” athletes. How did all of us reach salvation? How did we see the light? How were we given this second chance at redemption? Well, that was easy. We became parents.

That’s right, folks. We gave life and we, in turn, were given something some consider far greater...we were give a second chance at our youth. A chance now to live vicariously through a younger, stronger, quicker, more agile version of ourselves. It’s almost too good to be true, we have become born again...

You can find these “born again” athletes all across America. Oh, they may hide during the work week, obscured by their work uniforms or their business suits, but rest assured they are there. You’ll see them make an appearance at the gym. You’ll see them jogging in your neighborhood on the weekends. But are they limited to those seemingly simple places?  Oh heck no! You’ll find them in a place far more intimidating than that. You’ll find them in the ultimate athletic venue... the veritable pantheon of all athletic prowess...Yes, you’ll find them on the sidelines of your kids soccer game.  

I think we will all agree, a child’s soccer game should be a peaceful place. It’s an opportunity for your child to get together with friends, kick around a soccer ball, and hopefully enjoy some friendly competition. And that’s just what it would likely be if parents were not allowed on the sideline. Instead, go to any soccer field on a pleasant, sunny Saturday morning and you’ll likely see a few crying kids and of course, along with those crying kids, some parents making idiots of themselves. 

Oh, you’ve seen them. The 40 year old wearing the shiny new Nike warm-ups. Or worse, the dad in Diadora soccer shorts and matching knee high socks. They are screaming at little Timmy who just let the mid-fielder fly by him or shouting to sweet Rebecca, the goalie, to not let another ball enter her goal. Oh yes, my friends, there is no denying it...in short, they’re acting like idiots. 

Now the fact that parents all across America do this is undisputed. We’ve all seen them. Heaven help us, some of us have even been them. Maybe not all the time, but if your child plays a sport, I rather suspect that at some point or another you have made an idiot of yourself at one of their games. You don’t want to...You don’t even mean too. But nevertheless, it happens. Sure, you tell yourself that you (ok, ok, “we”) just can’t help it. But surely we can. Instead of controlling our emotions, we find ourselves back in our glory days. All of a sudden, this isn’t our chid’s soccer game, it’s our game. And this time, my friends, we are going to win.

For those of you who have merely experienced the overly excited, “vicariously living through our kids for the moment” thing, I promise, I’m going to give you a free pass. That’s acceptable...heck, even expected. We, as parents, are going to get excited when our child scores a goal or wins a match. We’re going to applaud (maybe a bit too loud) and we’re going to want to take pictures (maybe just a few too many). While your kid may be annoyed by this, feel free to tell them, they better just deal with it. In exchange for the endless nights of studying spelling words and our feeding the dog they swore they would always take of all by themselves, we earned the right to get excited when they play well. It’s just a fact. And if it were left at that, I wouldn’t be writing about this at all. But it’s not...

Instead, what we often see is the parent who thinks he knows how to coach a heck of a lot better than the coach on the sideline. Usually this parent decides to coach his child through the entire game, guiding his kid’s every move up and down the field. Worse yet is the parent who just can’t stop with coaching their child...oh, no...they’ll coach every child, completely disrespecting the actual coach and in the meantime, totally disrupting the game. And let’s just hope that in the midst of this debacle, that the parent is actually using constructive coaching and not being negative, because there is NOTHING worse, than that overzealous parent berating their kid from the sideline. That’s where the tears come in and that’s never pretty. That’s when things really go south...that’s when you start wishing you were somewhere else...anywhere else...that’s when things stop being “fun.”

Yes, fun. This soccer game is supposed to be fun. It’s supposed to be fun for you to go spend a morning watching your child play a game, but more importantly, it’s  supposed to be fun for your child. It’s really not about you anymore. Let me repeat that....it’s not about you anymore. You had your chance. Now it’s your child’s turn to learn the value that hard work and practice pay off on game day. It’s their turn to learn how competition builds character. They can learn, shoot, they NEED to learn, that things will not always go their way, but they have to keep fighting until the end. That lesson will apply in the classroom, in the boardroom, and throughout their entire lives. Sports teach you that lesson like nothing else can.

So instead of making a scene when the referee blows an offsides call...instead of yelling at your child when they miss a play....instead of making the game about you...just guard your tongue. Keep it in check and let your child fight this battle on their own. By all means, attend their games. Lord knows, they want you there. Let them know they are supported and loved. Cheer them on! But, above all else, remember that you are never more an example to your child than when you are watching them compete. Your behavior can help demonstrate to them that you respect their ability. You can show them that you trust them to handle their own “fights,” and struggles. They can do it and they can do it with class and dignity. They can learn from you that so long as you give your best, the score really doesn’t matter. What matters is that they chose to compete and to compete honestly and with integrity. 

Obviously I chose to discuss these lessons in terms of sport, but they are equally applicable at a piano recital or a spelling bee. The ultimate point is, never forget to always conduct yourself in a manner that will make your child and your family proud. 

Believe me, if you are anything like me, it’s not something that will come naturally and like all parenting, you are probably going to screw up from time to time. The good news is, if you work at it, you will get better over time. It may take some effort, but in no time you can be setting an example for your child  and instilling strong lessons that they will carry with them throughout their lives. Oh, and even better, you’ll be able to leave your soccer socks in the back of your drawer, where they belong.  


-Claudia