Thou shall teach your children to use social media responsibly...

“The greatest gifts you can give your children are the roots of responsibility and the wings of independence.”

-Denis Waitley

I was recently at a soccer practice for my ten and twelve year old daughters. Normally at such events you will find me laptop in hand, head buried in a stack of paperwork. That day, however, I had been particularly productive and decided at 6:00pm to call it a night and just watch my children practice their corner kicks.

In front of me in the bleachers, a few mothers were having a very deep conversation about what has become the topic “du jour” for so many of us moms...yes, you guessed it...”Facebook.”

“Tania is furious that she is the ONLY 6th grader without a Facebook account, but I don’t care, she is not getting one,” said one mom.

“Oh, I agree. Melissa won’t be allowed to have one until she is 18 and on her own. Then she will be responsible enough to use Facebook intelligently. Don’t get me started on these mothers who allow it...CRAZY,” she muttered just a little too smugly for my taste.

I didn’t have the heart to tell the smug mother that “Melissa” did already have a Facebook account (although she maintained it with an alias as more and more kids do in order to shield their identify from their parents). I knew this, of course, because my kids do have Facebook accounts and I monitor them (and therefore their friends’ accounts) pretty closely. 

So, yes, I’m one of those “CRAZY” mothers who allows Facebook. Gasp! I know. Actually, it seems like there are more and more of us re-evaluating our children’s use of social media and given that there are 800 million Facebook users (a huge percentage of which are 18 and under) I appear to not be alone.

For those of you who have already started judging me, please stay calm. I can assure you my rational for permitting the use of social media in my home is sound. This was not a knee jerk reaction. It was a researched and reasoned choice I made which to some makes me “nuts” but to me, I believe, makes me pretty smart (if I don’t say so myself!)

First, I should tell you that I was raised in a european-style/latin home. My mother is 100% Portuguese and my father, while British/Italian, was born and spent a large amount of time growing up in Brazil. As a result, some of the things that Americans consider taboo, my parents thought nothing of. For instance, in Portugal, the legal drinking age is 16. Shocking, right? I don’t think so at all. In fact, there are dozen’s of countries with no drinking age at all. But yet, these countries have MUCH lower rates of alcoholism and drunk driving related accidents. Don’t believe me? Do the research. I have. 

So, even though they have the statistics to back up their decisions, these countries are still vilified by many for having such “lax” laws. How do they justify having such a low (or no) drinking age? Are you ready??? This one is really going to blow you away...

They leave it up to the parents to teach their children responsible behavior. 

Can you believe??? Now that’s CRAZY! (sarcasm)

I allow my children a Facebook account (yes, even my 10 year old) for the very same reason. Social media is everywhere. Facebook, Twitter, Myspace...it exists and it isn’t going away any time soon. Given this, I would like to teach my children to use it responsibly, while they are still under my continued guidance and supervision.

When I went to college, I know you will never believe me but the vast majority of my friends started drinking. Another shocker, right? Illegal, yes. Impossible, hardly. They marched out of the dorms by the dozens all with their fake IDs in pocket, ready to imbibe more than their fair share of beer and cocktails. For me, I couldn’t fathom why this was so alluring. If I had wanted a drink, I could have had one in my family home, with my parents. It wasn’t prohibited so it lacked any appeal for me. 

As another example, I cannot remember having a curfew enforced. As a result, most Friday nights found me in the living room with my friends at 10:30, watching a movie or shooting pool. My friends with midnight curfews would wait until 11:55 to start their journeys home (many of which would then check in and head straight out the window...don’t get any ideas, Gabby).

Given that my parents managed not to kill me, and instead actually produced a pretty normal, reasonably intelligent human being, I have modeled my parenting style on their own. There really are no rules in our home that I can think of other than one. Act Responsibly. Period.

That’s it. Simple, right? Sure, but it covers the gamut. Going to your friends for a sleepover? Sure, no problem. Act responsibly. Want to go to the movies with your friends? Sure. Act responsibly though. Want a Facebook account? Not a problem. Act responsibly with it. 

This rule for Facebook works in my home for one reason and one reason only...my husband and I have taught our children exactly what responsible behavior is and what it is not. It is responsible to use Facebook to communicate with your friends and family. It is not responsible to post about where your first tattoo will be located. It is responsible to post cute pics of you and your teammates after a big basketball win. It is not responsible to post provocative pictures of yourself in front of your bathroom mirror (and sadly this is RAMPANT on Facebook). My kids know the difference in these types of behavior because I have allowed them to have Facebook and we have learned together, UNDER MY GUIDANCE, what is and is not acceptable behavior.

Will my kids screw up from time to time? Of course...they are kids. But I would prefer their screw ups to occur while they are still living under my roof and my direct guidance. 

Remember, friends, that giving your child a Facebook account will not make them any more promiscuous, for example, than giving them an encyclopedia will make them smart. Facebook is a tool. It’s what they do with it that can make it evil. If you have equipped your child with the knowledge of right and wrong, what can you possibly have to fear?

-Claudia