Thou shall seek comfort through predictability when necessary...

“If life were predictable, it would cease to be life and be without flavor...”

-Eleanor Roosevelt

I can watch the same episode of a sitcom several times. Not in a row mind you...But I can watch an episode today that I have seen in 2010, 2008 and even 2004. Not just twice or three times...the fact that I may have seen a show five or six times, will not stop me from watching (and enjoying) it yet another time. I can do the same thing with a good book or a great article in a magazine. 

It can make my husband crazy. He has asked me many times how I could possibly want to watch a show that I have seen so many times that I literally know the dialogue by heart. In fact, I don’t even have to watch it. I can simply have it on, and follow the show in my head, all by just listening to the television as I mop the floor, cook dinner or work on my laptop.

Seem strange? Not to me. To me, watching a sitcom or a good movie several times is predicable...there are no surprises...there is nothing new about it...I know exactly what will happen and when it will happen...and that’s exactly what makes it heavenly for me.

Maybe it’s the fact that my life seems to be so unpredictable that draws me to this weird fascination.  My husband, as you may know by now, is a college basketball coach. For those of you who understand that business even a little bit, you probably know that means we have moved...a lot. To put it in perspective, my oldest daughter, Gabby has gone to 7 schools and is only in the 9th grade. We have truly loved nearly every city we have been lucky enough to live in but the moving is not necessarily a highlight of his job. In fact, when I meet someone who has been born and raised in the same city their whole life, I feel a twinge of jealousy. Of course, when I explain that we have been able to live in New Orleans, Tampa, Miami, Pittsburgh, etc., most people consider me the lucky one. Probably a case of the grass always being a bit greener....

I am certainly not complaining. In fact, the moving, while difficult, has never scared me. Of course, I am always sad to leave the friends we make and the home we created but the moving itself, is rarely as bad as I envision it being. I rarely fear the packing and unpacking of boxes, the canceling and starting of the utilities, the change of address forms, and all of those things that go along with moving. Are they fun? Certainly not, but they always get done one way or the other.

What I ALWAYS fear though with a move is the predictability of my life. I know where my grocery store is. I know how to find the post office. I know and love my children’s schools (namely because that is a choice that takes time and effort and we have managed to do a good job in that area). I know how to get to the arena where my husband’s team plays and I know exactly where to park. Little things, yes...but yet so important to me.

Moving always means new grocery stores, new schools, new post offices...new everything...In short, moving means that nothing is predictable and everything is new. Exciting? Yes... Scary? A bit...

But maybe that’s why I seek the solace of a sitcom that I have seen so many times. Maybe it’s why I choose to re-read a book that I have read on countless previous occasions. I’m seeking familiarity. I’m seeking predictability. 

You see, those episodes of “Seinfeld” with Elaine dancing or the episodes of Friends with Ross’ monkey are the same in West Lafayette as they were in Miami. They made me laugh then and they make me  laugh now. They’re comforting that way.

Some people have different habits for the same purpose. Maybe you like to wear your old college sweatshirt when you are feeling down. I have a friend who always cooks her mom’s recipe for lasagna when she is feeling anxious. It’s the same principle. You are searching for comfort through predictability and familiarity. And what’s so wrong with that?

Even I have wondered if this habit of mine was a little strange. And before you start getting nervous, it’s not as if I have to turn the TV on and off 12 times before watching or sit cross legged if I’m going to use the remote control. I’m not OCD. At least I think I’m not (kidding). But I think the thing about comfort is it matters less how you find it...just that you do.

Have a great comfort-filled day everyone...

-Claudia

 

Thou Shall Leave Behind "Thoughts from the grave"

"You are not here merely to make a living.  You are here to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision and with finer spirit of hope and achievement.  You are here to enrich the world.  You impoverish yourself if you forget this errand."  ~~ Woodrow Wilson


About three years after my father died, my mom gave my three siblings and me one of the greatest treasures of my lifetime: Our dad's "Credo".  

 **A credo is basically a statement of belief...or a statement of faith that describes the beliefs shared by the person who wrote it.**

It was a gift Mom gave to each of us on the 3rd anniversary of Dad's death.  
I'm not sure if she was going through some of Dad's old papers and other belongings and just stumbled upon this treasure?  Or, if she knew where it was all along and just thought the timing was right for us to receive it.
  
Either way, it was perfectly and divinely timed for me to receive it at that point in my life and I have cherished it ever since.

Mom attached her own note to the cover of this precious credo and the last two sentences of her note to us expressed what I believe Dad was trying to accomplish all along in writing his credo in the first place.


Mom ended her note:
"....but remember when reading it, that he probably still believed most of what he wrote, but he would have loved hearing what each of you would have to say about it.  I think that if this provokes you to do some of your own soul searching, he would be happy.  For me, it has certainly challenged me to try harder to be a better person."


Dad had actually written this credo in 1989; Eighteen years before his death. He was 58 years-old when he passed away.  Actually, now that I think about it, he was the same age that I am right now when he wrote it.
**This is significant to me only because it seems that I, myself, am at a very interesting, reflective and challenging time in my own life.  Life is completely changing and evolving as my children are entering very new and different stages in their own lives. Kevin and I are simply doing the very best we can to navigate this part of our family's journey without steering all of us off course! ha!
I just wonder if it's this age?....Or if it just so happens that life is opening up in new ways and new directions that has me searching, seeking and trying my darndest to find just the right path that will lead me to where God wants me to go.
I don't know.... I'm just along for the ride...and hoping I'm doing what I'm supposed to do.   ...And when I don't do what I'm supposed to do, I'm hoping I can learn from my mistakes and move on with grace. ;-)

I wanted to share with you Dad's "lead in" to his credo.  I want to do this for two reasons:

#1.  I want you to have a taste into the kind of man my father was.....and why I feel so blessed to have been raised by someone so open, so loving and SO REAL! ha!

and

#2.  I'm  hoping that maybe this might encourage YOU to think about leaving your own "message to/for the world"... especially for your loved ones that you will leave behind.  

It is a precious treasure to have Dad's "thoughts" in writing like this.  It is almost as though I can hear his voice in my mind while I read it.  It makes me smile.  It makes me cry.  It makes me think.  And it makes me laugh (a lot!).  He was the very best at knowing how to share his deepest thoughts in the most unassuming and enticing way.

I promise to share bits and pieces here and there from his Credo as the years go by, but for now, this is his introduction.  This is how he introduced us to his Credo:

"This is my credo, at this moment in my life.  Some of the things I say on these pages, I am certain about, some of them I'm not so certain about.  Many of the things listed here would not have been listed here five years ago.  Most of the things listed here, would not have been here 10 years ago.  In fact, there are a few thoughts listed here that 20 years ago, I would have believed were blasphemous and irreverent.  I would never mean to be irreverent when talking about God, however He is perceived by each individual.  I just hope that I am growing.  

The only way I personally can grow is to question my own thoughts and the thoughts of others.  I have been unable to grow by sitting and listening to others and accepting what is said as "the way."  On the other hand, if someone can grow by sitting and listening to others and accepting what is said as "the way", then, for them, it is "the way."

I think we are all on separate paths.  I think our beliefs are based on what we grew up hearing, what we have heard from others, what we have read and liked, and from our own feelings and experiences.  How in the world should we expect someone else to believe the same way we believe?  So, why do we judge someone wrongly or put them at a lower level on the "Christian totem pole" if they don't agree with our own beliefs, or if they don't say the same words that we say.  We are just on different paths.  No one is more right and no one is wrong.

So, I am trying to put some of my thoughts on paper for myself.  I might share them with some of my friends, whom I feel will not judge me, but who will question some of my statements out loud and make me explain some statements....which will only help me grow more.

Some of my statements might evoke criticism from some individuals, but I can learn from them also.  But I will try to be open and honest with my thoughts because if I'm not, there's no sense in writing it.  So, without being overly dramatic here and a little hokey, here is what I feel about a few things:"

Dad then goes into 4 fully typed pages of THE most thought-provoking, honest, raw and poignant thoughts and beliefs I have EVER read.

To me, Dad's credo is something that, when shared, will leave you pondering your own faith, your own belief system and many of life's most poignant questions.....in a good way!  He had such a beautiful way of engaging people and getting them to really think for themselves about what it was they felt God wanted for their lives. 
What a Precious soul. :)


Thanks for letting me share this today!  So fun!

And please take this as a little "nudge" to write something down that will encourage, inspire, entice, enrich and inspire your own loved ones after your time on earth is done. 
**And don't wait!  None of us know when our time is up!  Write down whatever moves you...
I promise you that your crew will treasure it! ;-)


Have a beautiful Monday!


Teri

Thou Shall Take Righteous Stance Without Being Self-Righteous About your Stance

 "Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance."  ~~ Anthony J. D'Angelo

I don't know what it is about me that gets so tickled when others fuss over things like religion or politics, but it totally cracks me up for some strange reason! ha!

I especially get tickled if it's an argument between a married couple.  If you are out with other couples and the topic goes in a direction that one couple actually feels "passionately" about, but stand on opposite sides of, I'm literally like, (rubbing my hands together like it's freezing cold) OH Yeh! It's about to get good UP IN HERE!!

Somebody bring me some popcorn and 3D glasses....I'm ready for the show! haa!

WHAT is wrong with me, right?? 

I mean most people squirm and try to diffuse the situation by saying something like, "Oh, Charlie....Sabrina....Come on now, you two! We're all just having a little fun here. It's not a big deal, Henry and I disagree about the same thing all the time and we have finally just decided that we will (cutely touted and smiling at spouse) 'agree to disagree'." 

(Blech!)

Whatever!

No! Sometimes you just gotta "duke it out" (with intelligent banter, mind you) and let your voice be heard especially if your spouse has said something that does NOT represent how you feel at all!  
Sometimes I feel I have no choice.  I feel I am forced to chime in. ;-)

*I usually use humor to sort of help me get my point across without getting my husband upset with me.  HOWEVER, if he goes "there" and pokes fun at MY thoughts...then all bets are off! Somebody go grab the popcorn! Ha!!

You know, these things usually start off as playful banter, but by the end of the night, the husband is nudging the wife under the table and she has suddenly become the "Ultimate Ice Queen".  Her lips might be smiling, but her eyes are saying, "Oh....you know I will freeze...you....out. 
So if this is how you wanna play, then Game. On, Bucko."  

Now c'mon, DO NOT pretend you have no idea what I am talking about! We've ALL been there! (If you've been married long enough, that is.) ;-)

This sort of marital fuss is normal, funny and sometimes completely ridiculous if you really think about it.  And if you are one of the lucky ones, you and your spouse will ultimately find humor in it all.

I wonder what it is about ourselves that makes us feel so self-righteous in OUR stance about a particular subject?

Is it our ego?  Narcissism?  A sense of self-empowerment?

What fuels or propels us into thinking that our way cannot possibly be wrong?  It becomes "our way or the highway" so to speak.

Give me a break!! We are so silly!  The beauty of our nation is that we are all different and unique and we get to freely voice our differences.  I love that about us!  ...but we don't have to fight, fuss, whine, accuse and make a fool of ourselves like many of our nation's top leaders.

I would love to be a "PONE HOLDER" at one our Presidential debates! 

What? You've never heard of a "pone?"  Okay, you must not have a teenager in the house. ha! 

A "pone" in this case does not refer to what happily and stubbornly sits on the side of a woman's hips.  The new kind of "pone" is another slang word meaning one who has just "owned" you....or totally blasted you with a clever, snide and witty "slam".  What? You don't know what "slam" means??  Well.....dang....google it, then.

I would love to hold up a  "Pone" card behind each candidate that uses slanderous, unfair, snide and clever attacks to make his opponent look bad...and untruthful.

WHY would I want to do this??  Can you imagine the work-out I would get?!  They would keep me hopping!! That's all they do now! It'd be a better workout than running a 5K!

It's gotten so ridiculous.

I mean really! How "Right" is it for one to feel SO self-righteous about  their stance that they'll tear down another's belief system just to make themselves look "better" or "smarter?"

Can we not get our point across, anymore, without debating another person's character...or that of his child, spouse or brother? 

Big, fat, hairy deal if we don't agree all the time! 

I remember so vividly something my dad used to say that is a quote of his I truly try to live by. 

He said: "Respect other peoples beliefs...if their beliefs make them better people.  And think about how another person's thoughts make you think about your own beliefs."

So here's what I believe:

*I believe you can take a righteous stance, without being self-righteous about your stance.

*I believe one can take a stance about another's actions without taking a stance against them.

*I believe that if you choose to take a firm stance, then you better be prepared for some intelligent opposition, because there will always be others who feel just as righteous about their own stance.

*And I believe you need to be VERY careful about feeling the need to take a firm stance on ANYTHING.

In other words, with every stance I take in my life, I am fully aware that I have little eyes watching me and gauging how their mommy feels about and handles "life" issues.

It is imperative that my children be taught to NOT judge others as they only have themselves and their own actions to judge.

"Peace" out everybody!

Teri

Thou Shall Always Be Good "Mommy Medicine"

"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world.   It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
~~Agatha Christie

There is almost nothing worse than staying up all night with your child who is sick, sick, sick.  They are miserable....you are miserable....and both of you are tired, tired, tired.

For me, I don't know what is worse....wiping my baby's brow while they vomit their guts up....or peeking into the bedroom where my ...ahem....beloved is snoring, with not a care in the world.  Hmmm....Now, THAT is a toss-up. Ha!

You see, when my husband, Kevin, and I had our first baby boy, we made a "deal".  It was my grand idea that on those nights that he didn't have to get up and go to work the next morning, he should also be required to get up and "bond" with our baby boy too!  I would feed the baby, then, naturally, he would burp him. 

Sounds like a fair deal, right?!

Yeh, well, that lasted all of about two weeks! 

After those initial two sleepless weeks, I decided to just let my husband pretend to "sleep" through all the hollering and crying that would go on at all hours of the night....not to mention the whimpers from our baby boy who would wake up too. Hee!

Now that we have three children (ages 13, 11 and 9), it has been clearly established that my children want ME right there beside them when they are sick. I am the companion they most want to travel alongside them on this "sick train" journey.....giving all of the proper, "Oh sweetheart, I know it. :(  ....This is no fun....You are such a trooper," remarks. 

These are the mommy soothing comments that seem to work almost as well as the medicine, itself. ;-)

I'll never forget one night after my little "Gator" (9) spent hours in our master bathroom with a mean ole tummy bug, I was FINALLY able to get him resting peacefully with his head in my lap.

I continued to sit in my usual "mommy spot." (on the bathroom floor with my back leaning against the tub.)  I didn't want to move because for the first time that night, Slade had finally fallen asleep....and he seemed to be somewhat comfortable.

Oh, and Kevin?  Oh no worries, y'all!  Nu-uh!  He was totally fine! He missed the whole thing .....as usual.

...and I wasn't bitter about it at all!  No, really....it was totally fine.  (Smiling through clinched teeth) ha!  Yep!  He was sleeping like a baby....that precious darling.  (Still smiling)...His peaceful, unaffected slumber meant nothing to me. (Okay not smiling anymore). Ha!!

I was amazed....okay, okay..... more like angry, really....but y'all!..

Here's the deal:

This man can hear a deer's hoof a mile away... He can hear me when I whisper on the phone in "code" to my sisters and know exactly what I said.... He can hear a truck drive up in our driveway and know the make and model.... He can even hear the sound money makes when it is leaving my dang wallet....and he doesn't even have to be with me!

.....But babies crying in the middle of the night?  Needing to be fed, burped, rocked or comforted while sick??

...The man is completely deaf to the world!

Me? Bitter? Nah!..Upset?..What?.. Jealous? ...Come on now! ...Envious of his sleep?....Now, whatever gave you that idea?!  I told y'all I was totally fine, didn't I? (Lol)

I'm only kidding...just pokin' fun at the ole...ahem...I mean....at my sweet, precious, darling husband. ;-)

But here's what happened once the morning light shone through the bathroom windows... The morning light brought in a new day...and with it, a new perspective.

My sick little munchkin woke up and was tired but feeling so much better! 

He looked up at me, smiled and said, "That was a rough night, wasn't it, Mama? I'm so glad you're my mom.  Thank you for helping me get better.  You always know just what to do to make me all better."

Oh gosh, Lord!  Thank you for that!  All I could do was smile as a lump formed in my throat.  I hugged my sweet boy and answered, "Gator, I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world but in here with you to make sure you got all better."

It was in that instant that I realized the blessing was mine all along.... I just didn't have the proper perspective when I was so very tired the night before.

You see, when our babies are grown and gone, I can only imagine the honor and gratitude we will feel whenever any of them call us for comfort....encouragement.....soothing words and loving advice when they need "mommy medicine" the very most. ;-)

I guess it all starts in the middle of that bathroom floor, leaning up against that tub with their little heads in our laps. It is in those tired, sleepless hours that we forge that bond that allows our children to know and feel that we are there for them...always....to soothe and comfort them back to happiness and health whenever they need us the very most.

It's all in our perspective, isn't it? 

We hear this time and time again.  And after only four decades, I'm starting to catch on a little bit. ha! ;-)

Anytime God allows us to help heal a wounded soul, whether it be our own, or another.  He is giving us the opportunity to grow and strengthen in our walk with Him.

Life is magnificent...especially when you have the right perspective. ;-)

Enjoy each day with your children!

Teri

Thou Shall Discover Great Strength through God's "Grace"

"In separateness lies the world's great misery; in compassion lies the world's true strength."
~Buddha

If someone were to ask me what kind of person I think has the most compassion in their heart for this world and the people in it, I would instantly think of those in the medical field.....those in the field of mission work.....those serving our country and those who choose to join the clergy.  

These groups come to mind first.

HOWEVER, if I'm honest, I would admit that although I am impressed with these special people who go into these types of "compassionate" fields, I am not as inspired by them as I am another group of people who share the same kind of genuine compassion for people.....and you might just be surprised at who I am talking about.

I am actually talking about children who are born with an extra sense of compassion for their fellow man....and God's other creatures. ;-)  

We ALL know children like this.  We are all amazed and inspired by them.  We all even observe in wonder as we watch them do what comes naturally to them: Extend genuine kindness, love, hope, joy and compassion.

These special kids are the ones who don't really need to be taught to take up for the underdog, or give special attention to the mentally challenged, or extend grace and patience to those around them who may be a little bit harder to love. They just simply are who they are.  It seems they simply come into the world that way.

It just so happens that I know a very special little soul who continues to inspire me ALL OF THE TIME with her tender heart, genuine kindness and deep compassion for others. 

Fittingly, her name is Grace.  ~ Kelly Grace, actually..... but she goes by "Gracie."

Gracie is one of those rare and precious souls who walks through each day with THE most positive attitude and the sunniest disposition of any child I have ever known.  She actually exudes "light" wherever she goes.

She is one of those who sees the good in everyone she meets......and the harder the nut is to crack, the harder Gracie will work to win them over! Ha!  Her mom and I laugh about this all of the time.  

I have personally witnessed this child use her humor and charm to win over the hardest hearted person.  I think her spirit actually thrives in the challenge of it! Ha! 

I've heard stories from others with regard to Gracie taking up for the underdog at school and even leaving her fun group at recess to go over to the "different" kid on the playground to ask if there was anything he wanted to do or play that maybe she could join him in playing.  I mean, seriously, how many children do this?!

Gracie is a stunningly beautiful little girl; she laughs easily; she is smart as a whip, she has a passion for soccer and loves writing poetry. Her wish for her future is to be a teacher for the mentally challenged and under privileged children. Her heart is gold and she feels a need to share it with those less fortunate.

Can this kind of genuine love and compassion be taught?  Is there a way to instill this beautiful trait into our children or is this a special gift that God equips certain children knowing that one day they will use it for His Glory?  


I actually believe that God deposits seeds of Greatness in ALL of us.....it's what each of us choose to do with those "seeds" that makes the difference.

There is a little "twist" to this story about Gracie and I bet you'll find it as interesting as I did.  

You see, Gracie was a "surprise" baby to her parents who thought they were "finished" after their first two children. Ha!  

She actually arrived into the world during a very sad and tragic time for her family. Her family had just experienced the traumatic loss of her father's beloved brother, Kelly.  Kelly was 1 of 5 brothers in this very close-nit and loving family. 

The way Gracie's mom tells the story, Uncle Kelly was the fun-loving, free-spirited, fearless, life-loving, quick-witted and compassionate soul whom they all adored immensely.  Can you imagine the grief of such a loss?  The family wasn't only sad for themselves, they were also devastated that little Kelly Grace would never get to experience her name-sake's brand of humor....his style of life.... his grand love for people?

I can't imagine it....but here's where the story gets better.......  

You see, God had a plan for this family that was already set in motion....  *It's like I've said before...God blesses us ESPECIALLY through the tragic parts of our lives. When He doesn't intervene in a way that makes sense to us, He uses it for Good in a way we can't even begin to imagine....even if He were to tell us ahead of time.*

So, here's how God implemented his divine plan:  Little Miss Kelly Grace came into this world on a snow-filled, wintery day, December 29, 2000.  And with her came comfort, love, peace and so much joy.....just when her family needed those comforting attributes the very most.

It has been through her own brand of humor, her own ability to make people smile, laugh and have fun that Kelly Grace beautifully carries on that larger-than-life legacy that her Uncle Kelly left behind!  

I believe that Gracie's Uncle Kelly's life is a good reminder that we all have a choice in the kind of legacy we leave behind.  It's all up to us.  WE are the author of our own legacy.  WE determine right now what people will think of us in the future.

And if we're lucky, we'll have a little soul whose very purpose is to continue and share our own legacy in the most beautiful and inspiring way.

So, in a way, I guess you could say that when this one loving family needed God's "Saving Grace" the very most, He most certainly answered their prayer.....in the form of a very special little girl.  

How fitting that she would be called, "Grace."

Mercy.  God is Good...... All the time. ;-)

Take care of you....and those around you,

Teri

**

This is a poem that Gracie wrote recently.  I want to share it with you as it gives you a glimpse into the deep thoughts of this special little girl:

Life Influence

Life is a roller coaster, having ups and downs

There are good and bad, smiles and frowns

But always be happy, inside and out

Like Santa says, don't cry or pout

You'll be an influence to people all over

If you're happy go lucky like a four-leaf clover

Life is good to us, so be happy with what you've got

Compared to others, you have a lot

We need to realize we are blessed with many tools

Us, as humans, are acting like fools

So take this poem, and use it wisely now

When you do, people will stop and say, "Wow!"

By Kelly Grace

"Thou Shall Let Your Freakin' Light Shine" ;-)

I have a question for you and it's going to sound like a tricky one, but I really want you to think about how you would truthfully answer it.

Here is my question:

Is anger ever a good thing?  What I mean is, can being angry ever be helpful to you?  Does it ever show character??

Most people might say "No way... Anger is just plain wrong and bad no matter how you slice it."  

Well, I can see how most people would answer like that, but here's another way to ponder it:

..... If anger is a natural human emotion just like happiness or sadness is a natural emotion, then isn't the real answer that "Anger, itself, is not bad.....it's actually what you DO with that anger that makes it "good" or "bad".

Stay with me here......

When I was a little girl, my parents loved watching tennis on T.V.  I will never forget them watching two players in particular because of the impact it had on me.  One player was named Chris Evert and the other player was Martina Navratilova.  During the match, whenever Martina Navratilova didn't like the call that the umpire made, she would throw a fit and sometimes even her racquet!

Although it was entertaining, it wasn't very becoming....meaning it didn't make Martina look very good.  On the other hand, Chris Evert (the one I considered the "pretty one") would respond to the umpires "bad" call by simply taking a deep breath and heading back to her position to finish her tennis match.  She hardly ever questioned the umpire and if she did it was in a calm and polite manner.  I loved her and it was her calm and kind demeanor that actually made me root for her and want her to win.

I distinctly remember my parents commenting on Chris Evert's ability to handle her frustrations in such a calm and composed way.  They were so impressed by this attribute that they would comment on it many times throughout her tennis match.

A "light bulb" went off inside of me, even way back then.  I remember thinking that I desperately wanted to be like Chris, with regard to her ability to maintain her composure in the face of frustration and anger.  I wanted to be that girl that people said, "Boy, that Teri is incredible, isn't she?! Just look at her quiet strength and calm composure in the face of such injustice! I mean, we all know she would have every right to open up a "can" if she wanted to!...But just look at her! Kinda reminds us of Chris Evert Lloyd." ha!

Sometimes I'm successful in this challenge of maintaining my calm....and sometimes....well.... not so much.  But at least I try! Ha!

The truth is that it IS a wonderful indicator of ones inner strength and character.  We all have a choice in those moments of anger.  We can choose to respond with a quiet calm....maintaining our dignity...OR we can flip-out, holler and drive ourselves straight to "Crazy-Town" (a place I am all too familiar with.) ha!... But none the less, it is a choice.  It is also one of THE greatest tests of our inner-strength and character.

I'll tell you where most of us can test this kind of character..... 

At a sporting event.  

It's crazy, but a lot of us get so angry at a baseball game, soccer game, football game or any other sporting event where we feel there has been an "injustice" or unfair call towards our child or their team by a referee or umpire.  You will see people go crazy if they feel their team has been unfairly penalized.  The next time you are in this situation, take a moment and think about how you want to respond. Or even better, think about how you want others to see you respond to this type of situation.

In my family, we have this little "reminder."  We really do. Ha!  It's actually a tune we hum out loud to remind the other that they need to take a breath and get their self together.  I'll tell you how we came to do this little ritual.  

*It is really funny NOW, but it surely wasn't at the time when it first happened. Haha!

A few years back, my son, Steele, made it on an all-star baseball team.  We knew NO ONE on this team. (This is an important piece of the story! ha!)

At one of the all-star ballgames, my husband, Kevin, was in the dugout (he was asked to be on the all-star coaching staff).  

I must tell you that Kevin can sometimes have a bit of a temper.  HOWEVER, and fortunately for us, he can also pull it back together really quickly when he realizes he needs to.. (OR if he receives the "evil eye" from me. Ha!)  

Well, in this particular game, Summer, Slade and I are sitting in the bleachers with all of our "new" friends.  We were all getting along very well, laughing, cheering on our boys and enjoying the day.....

THEN.....it happened.  Lord have mercy, the "bad" call came........ and then so did my husband's temper!

While everyone was watching the field, I am watching a my husband express his anger (or throw a bona fide tantrum....whatever you wanna call it) in the dugout!  Aaaahhh!

I was trying to get his attention with my daggers...ahem....I mean my eyes, but he would never look at me!! Soooooo, I tried to telepathically let him feel my "heat" and disdain for his incredibly embarrassing behavior!  

I look at my new baseball friends and say in that way where you are smiling but you keep your teeth clinched, "Ohhh my goodness, I believe my sweet husband has lost his ever lovin' mind...Wow.... I've never seen him act that way before.... (LIE) ha!  

He kept on hollering....kept on fussin'.....kept on making a fool out of himself, so I only had one recourse, yall!  Look, in all fairness, I tried glaring..... I tried the telepathic message.....I even tried hollering to the boys on the field, "It's alright boys! Here we go! Turn the page".  But nothing worked.... nothing.  Kevin is steadily making comments toward the field that is turning my cheeks three shades of red!

SOooooooo......I did what a girl's gotta do when she's up against a wall (and her husband is embarrassing the fire outta her!)  I very swiftly stepped off the bleachers, marched over to the dug-out (in that mama marching mode that we all know too well) straight to the fella who I felt was ruining our family name in the span of a ten minute tantrum. I reached the dugout and grabbed hold of that chain-link dug-out fence where he and the other head coach were facing the field watching our boys play ball.....  

And I said, through gritted teeth and bellowed a growl that can only stem from the very bowels of my anger...and I said...."Kevin Netterville (remember you gotta say it through clinched teeth) ...I KNOW you hear me and I must tell you that you are SO not letting your freakin' light shine.  

AT ALL! 

You better cut this crap out right now and let your freakin' light shine! Or the kids and I are leavin'!!

Freakin' A! 

For the Love of Pete! 

Pull it together!"

(Haha!!!.... Okay....okay....so my "light" was pretty dim too.....but y'all, I. Was. Done.  *And we all know that when a woman has had it. A woman has. Had. It.) ha!

I calmly walked back to the bleachers with a fake smile on my face and said, "Well, I think my husband just needed a little pep talk.  Mercy, he is passionate about this game, isn't he?" (fakey laugh.)  These new friends had heard and seen it all so they all just busted out laughing ......and so did I. Ha!

After the game, we were in the car and I said, "Kev, Look, I'm really sor..."  But before I could say anything else, he said, "I know.  I don't know what got into me either.  I'm sorry too."

I reached over and grabbed his hand and said, "Did my pep talk help?"  We both busted out laughing!

Then I said, "What in the world did that head coach say after my diatribe and I finally left the dug-out?"  

Kevin smiled and said, "Well, he didn't really say anything, but he did quietly lean over and out of the corner of his mouth, he sang, 'This little light of mine.... I'ma gonna let it shine."

Yall! We laughed until we cried over that one!!  And we have used that song (which has now become a hum) ever since to help each other be mindful of letting our anger get the best of us.

And by the way, we are STILL with that same team, same families and they have become family to us. They are among my closest friends.

So, I guess the moral is that the next time you feel anger, let it be your "friend".  

What I mean is, let it be your opportunity to be an example to everybody around you.  You will never regret choosing to" let your freakin' light shine" in those moments of anger or frustration. ;-)

You see, when you feel anger, you have a choice.  You have a choice as to how you respond to your anger.  It will be THIS response that will prove what you're made of.....what your true character is!

Try it!

Shine on!

Teri

"Thou Shall Love Your Children More Than You Hate Your Ex"

"Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional." ~~ M. Kathleen Casey

If the title of this "Commandment" makes you squirm a little bit, then good!  If you feel a bit uncomfortable, taken aback, offended that I would even broach this subject? Then perfect!  These are good indications that this was meant for you or someone you know then. ;-)

Look, I'll be honest....there are many articles, blogs, posts and other writings that make me squirm a little bit too sometimes.  But once I get past the point of feeling "aghast" at the notion of whatever the subject is, I usually realize that it was something I needed to read anyway. 

What's the worst that can happen?  Our minds get "stretched" a little bit?  We are forced to really think about and consider our own belief system and why we feel so passionately about the article (one way or the other)?  Now, what's so bad about that? 

It's all good, right? ;-)

And think about it like this.....I am merely one person, with one little ole opinion, so if we stand on opposite sides of this issue, then big deal!  We're all friends here.  This is just my take on the matter.  So, just let me have my say and I'll be done with it. ;-) 

Throughout the years, I have seen many well-intentioned married couples decide that their marriage is not something worth "fighting for" anymore.  Some do it hastily, while others seek counseling, try couple's retreats and invest in countless books to try desperately to help them rekindle that old "spark", only to come to the sad conclusion that their marriage is not salvageable.

I never judge a couple who decides to call it "quits".  I'm not in their marital shoes and would never dare to pretend to know what goes on behind closed doors.  

I will tell you what I DO judge, however.  I DO freely admit that I definitely judge the cruelty that can sometimes follow a marital separation.

Here's the thing:  I totally get that marriage is tough sometimes.  I get it!  Trust me! ;-)

I can even see where one might feel like they want to throw in the towel, throw their arms up and say, "That's it!  I quit!"  

I get it. Yes, marriage can be really difficult sometimes. 

*Do I "believe" in divorce? No. ...But I get it.

But here's the deal... To be honest, whenever I find out that a couple has chosen to divorce, my mind usually goes straight to their little ones, not them.  I instantly think about their kids who don't really have a say in the demise of their family unit. 

I find myself praying that the adults involved are equipped and ready to do everything in their power to make the "transition period" as painless as possible for their children.

Many times, unfortunately, due to anger and bitterness from both sides, the children usually experience the very worst part of the break-up.  They are forced to choose sides....to feel responsible for the break-up....to feel paranoid and insecure....and to endure all sorts of emotional trauma.

The psychological effects of divorce on children are more extreme when they're forced to endure a long, mean-spirited, drawn-out custody battle.  These children suffer from a variety of psychological problems like denial, guilt, low self-esteem, physical problems, depression, anger, panic disorders, destructive or even criminal behavior.

ON THE OTHER HAND, the experts agree that those divorced couples who work together for the greater good of their children's well-being, while putting aside personal hurts, anger and bitterness, have a better chance of allowing their children to grow and continue to thrive in this new world of living apart.

These children feel much safer when they aren't being used as "pawns" or when they aren't having to deal with adult problems.

I have literally witnessed friends (men and women) act as though they are spewing venom when they are simply forced to say their ex's name in front of their own children.  On the better side of things however, I have also been privy to observing those ex's who are able to carry on a pleasant conversation with a loving attitude and generous spirit with each other in front of their children. (These couples always inspire me!)

I have adult friends who are bi-products of divorce who say that their parent's divorce during their childhood years absolutely changed who they were and made life very complicated for them.  They also confide that it has affected their own relationships as grown adults.

On the other hand, I also have friends who freely admit that their parent's divorce was probably a good thing because the hostility that permeated the home when their parent's were married was almost too much to bear.

The point of this blog is not to make anyone feel guilty or feel like they have screwed up their children because they couldn't remain married to their ex-spouse.  The point is that IF you are in the midst of a divorce or have been divorced for a while, yet you continue to use your children to get back at your ex?....Or use mean and cruel tactics as a way to hurt and make an ex suffer?.....Then pleeeease, for the love of Pete, STOP IT!

You are mostly killing the essence of your child/children, not your ex!  You are literally changing who they are and what they are meant to be for this world!  Children can easily become the "casualties" of these very childish "games" between two vengeful adults.  

You must remember that these children are simply innocent bystanders who deserve parents who are willing to do EVERY SINGLE THING within their power to help them cope properly, continue to grow, prosper, feel safe & secure and ultimately feel LOVED and CHERISHED!

And how do you do this?

Simple:  Love your children MORE than you hate your ex-spouse.

IF you have to "fake" respect for your ex in front of your children....then fine!  Fake it!

IF you have to "pretend" to show love and kindness towards each other at your children's school or athletic functions, then GOOD!  Pretend!  Do whatever it takes!

IF you must force "pleasantries" when together at special events for the sake of your children....then for heaven's sake, FORCE yourself!

You got this!  You can do it!

It is not about you anymore.... It is about them.  So do right by them, by doing right by their mother/father.

The irony?  YOU will ultimately feel like a happier person for it!.  Try it and see! ;-)

Cheers!

Teri

 

Thou shall embrace your feminist self, regardless of how that term is defined...

“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.”

~Faith Whittlesey

I was recently leaving the gym with a couple of friends when one of them mentioned that she had been reading and, for the most part, enjoying my blog. 

“Oh, yeah, I said, thanks so much. It’s always nice to hear some positive feedback,” I told her. 

Of course, it was hard to leave her comment about “for the most part” alone so, yes, I had to “go there.”

“So what part are you not enjoying? I asked.  

My friend, Adrienne, looked at me and paused a bit like she wasn’t sure she even wanted to say more. Then, all of a sudden, she began explaining that while, as a mom and a woman, she certainly could relate to a good deal that is on the blog, it just surprised her that I, as a 40 year old woman, a lawyer, independent, career driven... did not share her dream for women...as she put it...she was surprised that I was not a “feminist.”

“What makes you think I’m not a feminist?” I asked her.

She said that she knew me well enough to know that I had somewhat conservative political views (true). I certainly wasn’t a big fan of abortion (also true). And I spend a good deal of my life supporting my husband and his career dreams, at times, over my own (only somewhat true, but ok, true). So to Adrienne, I clearly could not be a feminist.

You have to know me to know I am generally incredibly unwilling to walk away from an argument when I know I am right. My dad teases me about being one of few people he knows who actually enjoys a bit of dissension. I can’t disagree. I clearly found my calling in the law because conflict does not intimidate me. A good ole‘ fashioned discussion (even those that get heated) can be very good for my soul. In fact, the more heated the better at times. But not this time...this time, I threw my gym bag over my shoulder and unlocked my car.

As I started to drive off though I couldn’t help but think how wrong Adrienne was and how truly disappointed I was that there were people that felt this way about the “feminist movement.” 

The dictionary defines a “feminist” as “one who advocates for the  social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.” Good Lord...that’s the definition of me. In addition to my desire to entertain you all from time to time, it is my belief in the feminist movement which caused me to want to write this blog in the first place. I truly believe God has gifted me with 4 daughters because I am supposed to teach them to dream big and work relentlessly to reach all their goals, not just the goals that “little girls” are supposed to have.

Clearly though, my friend seems to believe that feminism means something very different. My friend seems to synonymize “feminism” with “liberalism.” And that may be true, but in my opinion, though, it depends how you define these terms.

You see, there is no hiding from the fact that I am a political and social conservative. I believe in limited government interference in our lives and I believe in the power of “traditional marriage.” That doesn’t (in my mind) make me anti-gay. I simply believe in the sacred nature of the bond between a man and a woman. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe two gay individuals cannot have an incredible bond of their own or that they should be deprived of legal protection which traditional marriage offers. It just means, in my humble opinion, marriage should be limited to those of the opposite sex. Period. 

Now, Adrienne may consider that view of mine to make me anti-feminist. I can hear her argument now...if you believe women should have all the rights of men, then why can’t a woman choose to marry...even if that means marrying another woman?   

That misses the mark though. Every woman DOES have the option to marry, but I just don’t believe that should necessarily include one of the same sex. Sexual affiliation is not a choice (in my opinion) but marriage is. Every woman should have the RIGHT to be straight or gay, but it is a CHOICE to marry or solidify their same sex marriage in any way other than through traditional marriage.

Here’s another example...perhaps even more controversial. 

I don’t believe in abortion but I do believe a woman should have the right to do with HER body exactly as she chooses. The problem with abortion is, in my opinion, you are not dealing with only your body anymore...

You get the point...we could go on and on....

In short, I’m irritated that some women believe that you have to be a union card carrying, Roe v. Wade supporting, “liberal” to be a feminist. In my mind, you most certainly do not.

In my mind, to be a feminist, you have to (as the dictionary says) support and advocate for the rights of women. I try to do this everyday with the example I set for my daughters and the path I try to create for their futures. My daughters, like yours, should have no obstacles which are created by their sex. The can choose to care for the safety and well-being of the passengers and serve the drinks, or they can fly the plane. The choice should be THEIRS! They can care for the wounded in military hospitals or they can lift their weapons on the front line. The choice should be THEIRS!

Ultimately, my message today is this...be careful how you label people unless you are very sure of the definition of your label. Things are rarely as black and white as we sometimes like them to be...it’s the gray area though, that keeps things interesting.

Have a great one!

-Claudia

Thou Shall Not Let Past Mistakes Define You

 "You are what you are and where you are because of what has gone into your mind.  You can change what you are and where you are by changing what goes into your mind." ~ Zig Ziglar

A couple of days ago, I boxed up some old children's books from my home and drove to the church where I would simply drop them off  at a "Book Drive" my church is having this month. 

There is usually someone at the information desk waiting to greet whomever walks in the lobby, but she wasn't there when I walked through the doors this time. 

In fact, on this particular day, there was actually nobody in the lobby but this one young, scruffy-looking fella.  He looked to be around 23-25 years-old.  He was a bit disheveled with brown curly hair and he had a little tattoo of a tear right under his left eye.  When I walked through the door with my first box of books, he put the lobby phone down and rushed over like a gentleman to take the box from me.

I smiled and politely thanked him.  He went back to hang up with whomever was on the other line of that phone call and as I was walking towards the door, he asked if I needed anymore help.

"Well, friend, as a matter of fact, I do!"  I continued, "This next box is much larger and a bit heavier, so if you could get one end, I'll get the other and we can bring it inside! Thanks so much!"

As we were walking out to my car, he says, "Hey, can I ask you something?"  

I turn around, "Sure thing....and by the way, what part of South Louisiana are you from with that cajun accent?"

He smiled and I noticed a couple of teeth missing.  He goes on to say,  "Well, I'm gonna be honest with you, ma'am... I just got out of jail a few days ago and I have no way of getting  back home to New Orleans.  I came here to Shreveport after Hurricane Katrina hit a few years back"  (I nod in acknowledgement) "And ma'am...well.....I did some really bad things and I've been in jail ever since.  My family has disowned me and I have no one to call. I don't know what to do."

To be honest, my thoughts at that moment were, "Okay...okay....so you need money.....gotcha."  But he interjects as he lifts my second box out of my trunk all by himself, "Ma'am, I'm not asking for money, I really want to figure out how to get outta here and back home. Is there a place for people like me?  I mean, I know I've done some bad things in my past but I just wanna go home."  

He drops the books in the proper place in the corner of the lobby and then looks at me with the saddest eyes.

I felt such compassion in that moment, "What's your name, friend?"

"Adam" he replied.

"Well...Adam.....I wish I had an answer for you.  I really and truly don't know what your next step could be other than giving you a little cas.... wait!  Look where we are standing, Adam.  In church. I know exactly what you can do.  It's what I always do when I don't have a clue what my next "step" should be.  Have you tried praying about this?

"Yes Ma'am.....I been prayin' all day."

"Hmmmm......well, good! Then keep doing that and you know what? I will too."

He just kind of stared off for a moment as if he was trying to figure out what to do next. 

I break his frozen stare and say, "Well, Adam..... I'll tell you what I'll do.  I will give you a little cash and just know that when I drive off that I will be praying for you. I promise you that.

He looked at me funny and sad at the same time, so I added, "And when I pray, I will pray that God guides your steps and helps bring peace and comfort to your heart....and I will also pray that the wounds of your heart will not only mended, but replaced with joy and happiness and peace.

As we are walking to my car to get my purse (which had a mere $7.00 cash in there), two of the church workers came outside and started giving him advice on where he should go and who could best help him here in town.

I'm looking at this helpless young man and all of the sudden he looks like a little boy to me.  His shoulders were slumped, eyes facing down and pure sadness emanating from every pore.  

Without saying anything, my chin begins quivering like I might cry.  I am looking at these two sweet women trying to help him....and I'm about to cry?!?  What the heck is happening?!?  I have got to get out of here!

Before I leave, I feel compelled to share something with Adam.  
I break into their conversation and say (as I give him the little bit of cash I had on me), "I'm sorry guys, I have to go pick up kids from school, but Adam, I gotta tell you something first before I leave.... Listen, Your mistakes?.....whatever it was that you did in your past?  It doesn't have to define you, friend. It's what you do from this point on that will ultimately define who you really are inside. 

Good luck and God Bless, friend.

I immediately got in my car as the lump forms in my throat.  At this point, I have tears stinging my eyes and I feel such sadness for him.

And it got me thinking..... 

How many of us have, at some point in our lives, felt like whatever mistake or poor decision we made was THE ABSOLUTE WORST thing in the world that could have EVER happened to us?  We may have felt like that one mistake......that one doggone bad choice was going to "label" or "define" us FOREVER!  No one would EVER look at us the same again...EVER!  That's it! RUINED forever!

Ever feel like that??

And did it??  Did it "ruin" you forever?  Was it?!...Was it truly THE worst thing that ever happened to you? 

I bet you made it through, didn't you?  I'd be willing to bet that you even grew from it....learned a valuable lesson and maybe even evolved into a better person because of it.  Am I right?  ....Maybe even strengthened your spiritual muscles a little bit? 

This may sound really far out....maybe even crazy, but some people actually admit (after enough time has passed) that they were actually GLAD the mistake happened!  Huh?

It's true.  Some people spend their life using what they learned themselves to help other wounded souls who might be going through the exact same heartache and suffering that they once experienced.

I'm starting to get this feeling that every single part of our life journey is divinely and systematically set in motion to actually help us.....to prepare us for something down the road that is far Greater than anything we could ever imagine.


I believe that when we are struggling and God doesn't intervene in the way that makes sense to us, He is actually using our situation for good in ways we can't possibly imagine during those hard times of struggle.

I believe, bottom line, we all have a purpose to fulfill.  Every single one of us has a destiny..a mission here on earth that is ours and ours alone.

All we have to do is EMBRACE our journey .......and TRUST IT.

*So remember....your mistakes, poor choices, bad decisions?  None of those define you....None.  It truly is what you do from that point on that will ultimately define your true strength of character.

So buckle up...and enjoy your journey.  *All of it.

*Just thinking "out loud" today.

Have a great one!

Teri