I have a question for you and it's going to sound like a tricky one, but I really want you to think about how you would truthfully answer it.
Here is my question:
Is anger ever a good thing? What I mean is, can being angry ever be helpful to you? Does it ever show character??
Most people might say "No way... Anger is just plain wrong and bad no matter how you slice it."
Well, I can see how most people would answer like that, but here's another way to ponder it:
..... If anger is a natural human emotion just like happiness or sadness is a natural emotion, then isn't the real answer that "Anger, itself, is not bad.....it's actually what you DO with that anger that makes it "good" or "bad".
Stay with me here......
When I was a little girl, my parents loved watching tennis on T.V. I will never forget them watching two players in particular because of the impact it had on me. One player was named Chris Evert and the other player was Martina Navratilova. During the match, whenever Martina Navratilova didn't like the call that the umpire made, she would throw a fit and sometimes even her racquet!
Although it was entertaining, it wasn't very becoming....meaning it didn't make Martina look very good. On the other hand, Chris Evert (the one I considered the "pretty one") would respond to the umpires "bad" call by simply taking a deep breath and heading back to her position to finish her tennis match. She hardly ever questioned the umpire and if she did it was in a calm and polite manner. I loved her and it was her calm and kind demeanor that actually made me root for her and want her to win.
I distinctly remember my parents commenting on Chris Evert's ability to handle her frustrations in such a calm and composed way. They were so impressed by this attribute that they would comment on it many times throughout her tennis match.
A "light bulb" went off inside of me, even way back then. I remember thinking that I desperately wanted to be like Chris, with regard to her ability to maintain her composure in the face of frustration and anger. I wanted to be that girl that people said, "Boy, that Teri is incredible, isn't she?! Just look at her quiet strength and calm composure in the face of such injustice! I mean, we all know she would have every right to open up a "can" if she wanted to!...But just look at her! Kinda reminds us of Chris Evert Lloyd." ha!
Sometimes I'm successful in this challenge of maintaining my calm....and sometimes....well.... not so much. But at least I try! Ha!
The truth is that it IS a wonderful indicator of ones inner strength and character. We all have a choice in those moments of anger. We can choose to respond with a quiet calm....maintaining our dignity...OR we can flip-out, holler and drive ourselves straight to "Crazy-Town" (a place I am all too familiar with.) ha!... But none the less, it is a choice. It is also one of THE greatest tests of our inner-strength and character.
I'll tell you where most of us can test this kind of character.....
At a sporting event.
It's crazy, but a lot of us get so angry at a baseball game, soccer game, football game or any other sporting event where we feel there has been an "injustice" or unfair call towards our child or their team by a referee or umpire. You will see people go crazy if they feel their team has been unfairly penalized. The next time you are in this situation, take a moment and think about how you want to respond. Or even better, think about how you want others to see you respond to this type of situation.
In my family, we have this little "reminder." We really do. Ha! It's actually a tune we hum out loud to remind the other that they need to take a breath and get their self together. I'll tell you how we came to do this little ritual.
*It is really funny NOW, but it surely wasn't at the time when it first happened. Haha!
A few years back, my son, Steele, made it on an all-star baseball team. We knew NO ONE on this team. (This is an important piece of the story! ha!)
At one of the all-star ballgames, my husband, Kevin, was in the dugout (he was asked to be on the all-star coaching staff).
I must tell you that Kevin can sometimes have a bit of a temper. HOWEVER, and fortunately for us, he can also pull it back together really quickly when he realizes he needs to.. (OR if he receives the "evil eye" from me. Ha!)
Well, in this particular game, Summer, Slade and I are sitting in the bleachers with all of our "new" friends. We were all getting along very well, laughing, cheering on our boys and enjoying the day.....
THEN.....it happened. Lord have mercy, the "bad" call came........ and then so did my husband's temper!
While everyone was watching the field, I am watching a my husband express his anger (or throw a bona fide tantrum....whatever you wanna call it) in the dugout! Aaaahhh!
I was trying to get his attention with my daggers...ahem....I mean my eyes, but he would never look at me!! Soooooo, I tried to telepathically let him feel my "heat" and disdain for his incredibly embarrassing behavior!
I look at my new baseball friends and say in that way where you are smiling but you keep your teeth clinched, "Ohhh my goodness, I believe my sweet husband has lost his ever lovin' mind...Wow.... I've never seen him act that way before.... (LIE) ha!
He kept on hollering....kept on fussin'.....kept on making a fool out of himself, so I only had one recourse, yall! Look, in all fairness, I tried glaring..... I tried the telepathic message.....I even tried hollering to the boys on the field, "It's alright boys! Here we go! Turn the page". But nothing worked.... nothing. Kevin is steadily making comments toward the field that is turning my cheeks three shades of red!
SOooooooo......I did what a girl's gotta do when she's up against a wall (and her husband is embarrassing the fire outta her!) I very swiftly stepped off the bleachers, marched over to the dug-out (in that mama marching mode that we all know too well) straight to the fella who I felt was ruining our family name in the span of a ten minute tantrum. I reached the dugout and grabbed hold of that chain-link dug-out fence where he and the other head coach were facing the field watching our boys play ball.....
And I said, through gritted teeth and bellowed a growl that can only stem from the very bowels of my anger...and I said...."Kevin Netterville (remember you gotta say it through clinched teeth) ...I KNOW you hear me and I must tell you that you are SO not letting your freakin' light shine.
AT ALL!
You better cut this crap out right now and let your freakin' light shine! Or the kids and I are leavin'!!
Freakin' A!
For the Love of Pete!
Pull it together!"
(Haha!!!.... Okay....okay....so my "light" was pretty dim too.....but y'all, I. Was. Done. *And we all know that when a woman has had it. A woman has. Had. It.) ha!
I calmly walked back to the bleachers with a fake smile on my face and said, "Well, I think my husband just needed a little pep talk. Mercy, he is passionate about this game, isn't he?" (fakey laugh.) These new friends had heard and seen it all so they all just busted out laughing ......and so did I. Ha!
After the game, we were in the car and I said, "Kev, Look, I'm really sor..." But before I could say anything else, he said, "I know. I don't know what got into me either. I'm sorry too."
I reached over and grabbed his hand and said, "Did my pep talk help?" We both busted out laughing!
Then I said, "What in the world did that head coach say after my diatribe and I finally left the dug-out?"
Kevin smiled and said, "Well, he didn't really say anything, but he did quietly lean over and out of the corner of his mouth, he sang, 'This little light of mine.... I'ma gonna let it shine."
Yall! We laughed until we cried over that one!! And we have used that song (which has now become a hum) ever since to help each other be mindful of letting our anger get the best of us.
And by the way, we are STILL with that same team, same families and they have become family to us. They are among my closest friends.
So, I guess the moral is that the next time you feel anger, let it be your "friend".
What I mean is, let it be your opportunity to be an example to everybody around you. You will never regret choosing to" let your freakin' light shine" in those moments of anger or frustration. ;-)
You see, when you feel anger, you have a choice. You have a choice as to how you respond to your anger. It will be THIS response that will prove what you're made of.....what your true character is!
Try it!
Shine on!
Teri
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