“Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.”
~Faith Whittlesey
I was recently leaving the gym with a couple of friends when one of them mentioned that she had been reading and, for the most part, enjoying my blog.
“Oh, yeah, I said, thanks so much. It’s always nice to hear some positive feedback,” I told her.
Of course, it was hard to leave her comment about “for the most part” alone so, yes, I had to “go there.”
“So what part are you not enjoying? I asked.
My friend, Adrienne, looked at me and paused a bit like she wasn’t sure she even wanted to say more. Then, all of a sudden, she began explaining that while, as a mom and a woman, she certainly could relate to a good deal that is on the blog, it just surprised her that I, as a 40 year old woman, a lawyer, independent, career driven... did not share her dream for women...as she put it...she was surprised that I was not a “feminist.”
“What makes you think I’m not a feminist?” I asked her.
She said that she knew me well enough to know that I had somewhat conservative political views (true). I certainly wasn’t a big fan of abortion (also true). And I spend a good deal of my life supporting my husband and his career dreams, at times, over my own (only somewhat true, but ok, true). So to Adrienne, I clearly could not be a feminist.
You have to know me to know I am generally incredibly unwilling to walk away from an argument when I know I am right. My dad teases me about being one of few people he knows who actually enjoys a bit of dissension. I can’t disagree. I clearly found my calling in the law because conflict does not intimidate me. A good ole‘ fashioned discussion (even those that get heated) can be very good for my soul. In fact, the more heated the better at times. But not this time...this time, I threw my gym bag over my shoulder and unlocked my car.
As I started to drive off though I couldn’t help but think how wrong Adrienne was and how truly disappointed I was that there were people that felt this way about the “feminist movement.”
The dictionary defines a “feminist” as “one who advocates for the social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.” Good Lord...that’s the definition of me. In addition to my desire to entertain you all from time to time, it is my belief in the feminist movement which caused me to want to write this blog in the first place. I truly believe God has gifted me with 4 daughters because I am supposed to teach them to dream big and work relentlessly to reach all their goals, not just the goals that “little girls” are supposed to have.
Clearly though, my friend seems to believe that feminism means something very different. My friend seems to synonymize “feminism” with “liberalism.” And that may be true, but in my opinion, though, it depends how you define these terms.
You see, there is no hiding from the fact that I am a political and social conservative. I believe in limited government interference in our lives and I believe in the power of “traditional marriage.” That doesn’t (in my mind) make me anti-gay. I simply believe in the sacred nature of the bond between a man and a woman. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe two gay individuals cannot have an incredible bond of their own or that they should be deprived of legal protection which traditional marriage offers. It just means, in my humble opinion, marriage should be limited to those of the opposite sex. Period.
Now, Adrienne may consider that view of mine to make me anti-feminist. I can hear her argument now...if you believe women should have all the rights of men, then why can’t a woman choose to marry...even if that means marrying another woman?
That misses the mark though. Every woman DOES have the option to marry, but I just don’t believe that should necessarily include one of the same sex. Sexual affiliation is not a choice (in my opinion) but marriage is. Every woman should have the RIGHT to be straight or gay, but it is a CHOICE to marry or solidify their same sex marriage in any way other than through traditional marriage.
Here’s another example...perhaps even more controversial.
I don’t believe in abortion but I do believe a woman should have the right to do with HER body exactly as she chooses. The problem with abortion is, in my opinion, you are not dealing with only your body anymore...
You get the point...we could go on and on....
In short, I’m irritated that some women believe that you have to be a union card carrying, Roe v. Wade supporting, “liberal” to be a feminist. In my mind, you most certainly do not.
In my mind, to be a feminist, you have to (as the dictionary says) support and advocate for the rights of women. I try to do this everyday with the example I set for my daughters and the path I try to create for their futures. My daughters, like yours, should have no obstacles which are created by their sex. The can choose to care for the safety and well-being of the passengers and serve the drinks, or they can fly the plane. The choice should be THEIRS! They can care for the wounded in military hospitals or they can lift their weapons on the front line. The choice should be THEIRS!
Ultimately, my message today is this...be careful how you label people unless you are very sure of the definition of your label. Things are rarely as black and white as we sometimes like them to be...it’s the gray area though, that keeps things interesting.
Have a great one!
-Claudia
Very, very good, my friend!
ReplyDeleteIt's never fun when you feel like someone has the wrong impression of you based on their perceptions of one particular political party.
I wish Adrienne knew all of the things you advocated for young girls and women while you lived here in La.
She would be blown away if she knew that we started that "Girls Club" (that is now 3 years strong) to do exactly what the "Gloria Steinems" of the world would have thought brilliant! To educate, equip, enrich, encourage and entice girls to go for every dream, work hard for every goal and never be deterred by what another might deem impossible for them. (Maybe I should blog about it because these young female entrepreneurs are blowing my mind these days! You would be very proud!)
I remember my sister once said: "Politically speaking, I have a conservative mind, with a liberal heart and an independent spirit."
I don't think I could have said it better myself. ;-)
That "gray area" most definitely keeps things interesting!!!
Great post my friend!
Teri
Claudia, we didn't get to know each other at all while you were here, but I've been reading semi-regularly, having found you through Teri and I MUST weigh in on this one. Feminism is the radical notion that women are people too. Period. It makes me crazy when people believe that I am anti-woman because of the choices I have made in my life. In my personal life, I cook, clean, have babies, and mother those babies. In my professional life, I support women in those precious hours of work called "labor" while they work physically, emotionally, and spiritually to bring another life into this crazy world. I watch women fight through labor pain, without the "benefit" of drugs and work through the emotional turmoil of motherhood in the privacy of their own home or an intimate birth center, often with their husbands at their sides, holding their hands and whispering in their ears the whole way. I see the look on that man's face when he sees that his wife, a "mere" woman, has done something he will never be physically or emotionally capable of doing. I advocate for women to the point of having lost sight of myself and my family at times. Still, there are those (usually single professional) women in my life who would say that I am not a feminist because of the choices I've made in my life. And to those people, I say "Pffftt. You have no idea!" and leave it at that. Because someone who can so narrowly define and judge a movement that has spanned three generations of women obviously has no interest in seeing the bigger picture of what ALL KINDS of people (not just women!) can do do advocate for women.
ReplyDeleteNow, if you really want to see me get riled up, hang out with me until a WOMAN tells me she is NOT a feminist. Because, girl, I could go ON AND ON in that case!!
Charlotte, I really think that you touched on something so important when you mentioned that it is often the "single professional" women who challenge our feminism. I think sometimes these women want a more "hard core" "Gloria Steinem" definition attached to the feminist label. But, I think that's just one subset of what all feminists are. So many more feminists are people just like you, working to support and advocating for, women, especially when they are doing the one thing, only us women, have the fantastic opportunity to do.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for taking the time to write!
Claudia