She said
to me, "How is it fair to put expectations on someone when they never
agreed to those expectations in the first place? How is that fair?"
Those were the words spoken to me by my very dear friend, Gloriane , who came this weekend (with her amazing little boy, Jacob), for a quick, fun visit.
It's funny and amazing to me how you can have those friendships in your life that no matter the distance....no matter the time and space between you two, you are both able to pick right back up where ya left off.
I love those kinds of friendships.
Gloriane and I met when we were assigned to be "desk mates" at Arkansas Children's Hospital about 16 years ago....and I loved her instantly! She was the coolest, smartest and funniest girl in our department. We laughed and laughed and laughed......all of the time........ and I couldn't believe how very lucky I was to get to be HER desk mate. She was a gem. And still is!
When "G.A." (as we used to call her) uttered those words to me yesterday, they actually stung me a little bit. ...Okay, they stung me alotta bit.
She never intended those words for me. She was actually talking about someone and something else. But boy-oh-boy-oh-boy were those words ever intended for me! Ha!
When she posed that question about placing expectations on another without their consent, she had NO idea how significant those words would be at this point in my life.
Here's the thing about God... He WILL get HIS message across to your heart by whatever means possible and in whatever way necessary....especially if your heart is a tad bit stubborn......like mine.
What Gloriane didn't and couldn't have known was that I have been in a bit of a struggle about certain things and certain people in my life lately. >>>>Nothing drastic or dramatic or life-altering (I don't think. *nervous laugh*) I'm just at a very reflective and contemplative place.
Ever been there? Ha!
Sure ya have. We all have been ....or will be....if we live long enough.
Anyway, not always a fun place to be.....but sometimes it's just plain necessary for our spiritual muscles to grow and stretch.
*And, guess what.... the "afterwards" lessons about yourself are always good....even if you have to discover the answers the hard way. ;-)
There are two very pressing life questions I have been contemplating lately..... and without going into personal detail, her words, "How is it fair to put expectations on someone when they never agreed to those expectations in the first place" hit home like nothing else could have. And the timing? Impeccable.
She and her son left today and tonight I sat in my room with two of my favorite books in my lap just flipping through the pages looking at the highlighted parts....and my thoughts kept going back to what G.A. said....
I couldn't get away from it no matter how hard I tried.
After a while, I felt that old familiar knot in my throat and felt those ole familiar tears come to the surface of my eye lids.... I decided to let the warm tears slide down my cheeks at last as I finally owned my own part of these burdens that have stifled my ability to move in a forward direction, and letting go of the blame I have attached to another...
Her question (which was actually a statement) was so very simple....yet so very profound at the same time.
It's so true......How could I blame or place expectations on someone who never agreed to MY rules or MY expectations? She was so right! How is that fair? I certainly don't want somebody doing that to me.....so why would I think it fair to do to someone else. Especially someone I love?
I know this probably doesn't make any sense to anybody but me, but here's the bottom line (and the message I received) from simple words she posed in passing:
I have no right to be hurt, put out, frustrated or angry with anybody on this earth due to expectations (conscious or subconscious) that I place on them.
That would be my problem, not theirs.
I mean, how simple, right??
I know.... I know....sometimes it takes a good ole conk on the head for this girl to get it sometimes.
But I'm getting it....one lesson at a time.
I'm constantly learning and trying to navigate through this crazy life of mine..... and like my little notepad says that I carry with me in my purse:
"When life becomes a Roller Coaster, climb into the front seat, throw your arms in the air & ENJOY THE RIDE!"
Okay......
Let's put our arms in the air like we don't care!... (remember that song 80's people?!) Ha!!
;-) Teri
Those were the words spoken to me by my very dear friend, Gloriane , who came this weekend (with her amazing little boy, Jacob), for a quick, fun visit.
It's funny and amazing to me how you can have those friendships in your life that no matter the distance....no matter the time and space between you two, you are both able to pick right back up where ya left off.
I love those kinds of friendships.
Gloriane and I met when we were assigned to be "desk mates" at Arkansas Children's Hospital about 16 years ago....and I loved her instantly! She was the coolest, smartest and funniest girl in our department. We laughed and laughed and laughed......all of the time........ and I couldn't believe how very lucky I was to get to be HER desk mate. She was a gem. And still is!
When "G.A." (as we used to call her) uttered those words to me yesterday, they actually stung me a little bit. ...Okay, they stung me alotta bit.
She never intended those words for me. She was actually talking about someone and something else. But boy-oh-boy-oh-boy were those words ever intended for me! Ha!
When she posed that question about placing expectations on another without their consent, she had NO idea how significant those words would be at this point in my life.
Here's the thing about God... He WILL get HIS message across to your heart by whatever means possible and in whatever way necessary....especially if your heart is a tad bit stubborn......like mine.
What Gloriane didn't and couldn't have known was that I have been in a bit of a struggle about certain things and certain people in my life lately. >>>>Nothing drastic or dramatic or life-altering (I don't think. *nervous laugh*) I'm just at a very reflective and contemplative place.
Ever been there? Ha!
Sure ya have. We all have been ....or will be....if we live long enough.
Anyway, not always a fun place to be.....but sometimes it's just plain necessary for our spiritual muscles to grow and stretch.
*And, guess what.... the "afterwards" lessons about yourself are always good....even if you have to discover the answers the hard way. ;-)
There are two very pressing life questions I have been contemplating lately..... and without going into personal detail, her words, "How is it fair to put expectations on someone when they never agreed to those expectations in the first place" hit home like nothing else could have. And the timing? Impeccable.
She and her son left today and tonight I sat in my room with two of my favorite books in my lap just flipping through the pages looking at the highlighted parts....and my thoughts kept going back to what G.A. said....
I couldn't get away from it no matter how hard I tried.
After a while, I felt that old familiar knot in my throat and felt those ole familiar tears come to the surface of my eye lids.... I decided to let the warm tears slide down my cheeks at last as I finally owned my own part of these burdens that have stifled my ability to move in a forward direction, and letting go of the blame I have attached to another...
Her question (which was actually a statement) was so very simple....yet so very profound at the same time.
It's so true......How could I blame or place expectations on someone who never agreed to MY rules or MY expectations? She was so right! How is that fair? I certainly don't want somebody doing that to me.....so why would I think it fair to do to someone else. Especially someone I love?
I know this probably doesn't make any sense to anybody but me, but here's the bottom line (and the message I received) from simple words she posed in passing:
I have no right to be hurt, put out, frustrated or angry with anybody on this earth due to expectations (conscious or subconscious) that I place on them.
That would be my problem, not theirs.
I mean, how simple, right??
I know.... I know....sometimes it takes a good ole conk on the head for this girl to get it sometimes.
But I'm getting it....one lesson at a time.
I'm constantly learning and trying to navigate through this crazy life of mine..... and like my little notepad says that I carry with me in my purse:
"When life becomes a Roller Coaster, climb into the front seat, throw your arms in the air & ENJOY THE RIDE!"
Okay......
Let's put our arms in the air like we don't care!... (remember that song 80's people?!) Ha!!
;-) Teri
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