Thou shall monitor your kid's social media or thou shall live to regret it...

“Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”

-Leonardo da Vinci

            I think we can all agree that the use of social media is here to stay. According to Folio.com, there are now 800 million Facebook users (55% of the world’s population) and 98% of American’s are using some form of social media. That, my friends, is a really big number and I can assure you, if you are the parent of a teenager (or even a soon-to-be teenager), you are dealing with social media.

            I know lots of parents who think they don’t have to deal with social media because they think their kids “just aren’t interested in it.” Let me tell you something…I think they are wrong. In fact, I dare to say, I’m almost positive they are wrong.

            One friend of mine told me her daughter is not allowed internet usage at home unless it’s monitored and she doesn’t have a smart phone…so she KNOWS her daughter can’t use social media. That’s a noble idea. My daughter though told me this very same child borrows her phone at school to check her Instagram and Twitter accounts. Yet another friend of another daughter of mine has her Twitter account under a “secret” name, one which her parents can’t trace back to her. Interesting….

            Sneaky and interesting…

            What amazes me even more than these parents (who I picture digging their heads in the sand and covering their ears with their hands) are the parents who KNOW their child uses social media and yet choose never to monitor it.

            I know what you are thinking…

            They must really trust their kids and wouldn’t want to violate their privacy, right?

            Privacy…schmivacy….

            I want to know what is going on in my kids’ lives. I want to know what kind of friends they have. In fact, I think it’s MY JOB (as their parent) to know what’s going on in their lives and what kind of friends they have. This is the same job my mom had and the same job her mom had…this is not a novel concept.

            What is novel is the fact that our parents used to have to beg, plead and steal information from us because without a really good private investigator or a really generous child, you simply couldn’t know everything.

            Now, friends, all the info you want is right at your fingertips. All you need is a Facebook account. Actually, you will start with a Facebook account…but you will progress quickly if you actually want to keep up with your kid (and if you don’t, again, after what I have seen on line, I think you should). To help you out, I have put together my top tips for understanding social media…Remember, I never said technology is easy, but it is worth-while.

Tip 1: Just because you’ve mastered Facebook, you are not a social media genius.

            In fact, you are what kids call a social newbee. Yes, you can post comments on a friend’s post or even maybe post a pic of your own. Yes, you can navigate to your child’s page and read their latest post. Congrats…good start. But as the rest of the tips will show, you got a long way to go, baby…

Tip 2: Don’t friend your kid’s friends unless they want to friend you first

            This goes without saying…we aren’t crazy people and we don’t want to be 15 again (believe me). We merely want to keep some track on what the heck are kids are doing on the internet.

Tip 3: You must learn the social media acronyms or ywbl (you will be lost) (ok, ok, I made that one up).

            Seriously though…kids have acronyms for EVERYTHING. Might as well learn the lingo. Otherwise, like I said, you will be technically reading, but you will have no idea WTH you are reading. If you are like me, you will quickly learn where a good “urban dictionary” is so you can have some idea what these kids are saying.

Tip 4: Do not share what other kids are doing or saying on social media with their parent unless you really didn’t want that parent as a friend anyway.

            Believe me, you will read some crazy stuff. If you are like me, you will find yourself gasping, jaw open and slamming your laptop closed in total disbelief. This will happen at one point or another. But no matter how much you want to, do not talk about what you read to anyone but your kid (unless they are a VERY close friend of yours). Remember, you are parenting yours…it’s someone else’s job to monitor their own. Think of this as the same grounds as seeing one of your friend’s husbands having a cozy lunch with another woman. Sure, you may decide to tell your friend, but if you do, it’s because it’s a great friend of yours and because there is a lot of trust there. Same deal here…

Tip 5: Accept that hash-tags are absurd and pointless but kids really love them…

            Hey, did parachute pants and “Members Only” jackets really make sense to our parents?

Tip 6: If you choose to tweet, and I do, don’t tag your child in things you don’t want all her “followers” to know about…

            I learned the hard way that “at OBGYN with @gabriellegary32” is not cool…

Tip 7: Accept that as soon as you master FB, you will have to learn Twitter…then Instagram….then, whatever comes next…

When your kid knows you can “Facebook” (yes, it’s even a verb now), he or she will have a Twitter account open before you can even learn what a “tweet” is (and it is not just the sound that a bird makes).

           

            Like I said, it’s a crazy world out there. I have a full time job, a busy family and friends of my very own. I don’t follow my kids for fun or to be entertained (although, at times, it is entertaining)… I monitor my kids on the internet because I think this is a powerful tool better used under my gentle monitoring. I can assure you, my kids and I have had many conversations about things we have seen online and it gives us a chance to decide what is and what it not ok.

            Most of all, I like that my kids know I know (If you know what I mean). So far, I haven’t embarrassed them too much and Gabby even encourages her friends to friend (or follow) me (which is cute although I think she’s just embarrassed by how few Twitter followers I actually have….hey, remember, I’m a newbie). Sure, I have a few friends that think my kids will later rebel because I’m “hovering” and invading their privacy. But I’m not that particularly worried about those parents. In fact, it’s those parents who probably won’t be ROFL when they learn what their kids are up to online.

Good luck!

-Claudia